In 40 hours I will have an outside baby! I can't believe we're so close. KJ and I have been dreaming of this for two and a half years now. We decided to start trying for a baby way back in January of 2010 and started actively trying in February. It was a much longer and harder journey than we ever anticipated, but here we are, hours away from meeting our daughter. It was worth it. All of the heartache, all of the unbearably sad days, every BFN, every tear. It was worth it.
After waiting all of this time, you'd think I'd feel ready to have this baby! I'm very ready, but very nervous. On the one hand I can't wait to give birth and get this little girl out of me. She's getting incredibly heavy and I want my body back! On the other hand, though, I'm worried I won't know how to take care of her. What if I have trouble breast feeding? What if I mess up and don't feed her often enough? What if I have no idea why she's crying and can't get her to stop? What if I'm a complete mess physically and mentally and totally fail at caring for her? What if I'm an awful mother? I suddenly have the urge to keep her baking for as long as possible!!! Don't take her out yet! It's a big scary world out here and she's just a helpless little thing. I'm scared for the both if us.
"In a little while surely you'll be mine. In a little while I'll be there. In a little while this hurt will hurt no more. I'll be home, love.
Slow down my beating heart. Slowly, slowly, love...
See that girl? That girl, she's mine."
Nerves aside, I could be more excited and happy to meet my daughter. 40 hours and counting...
Lots of Love,
KJsbabe
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