A Sunny Day in April

BFP #4! I can't even believe it! I am pregnant again! It seems a little too good to be true!

So here is cycle #6 in review:

3/27 cd2 I had my app to talk about getting back to testing and my doctor agreed to cycle monitoring and some b/w.

3/28 cd3 blood work, which came back clear.

4/8 cd14 follie u/s, two on the left measuring 12.8 and 13.8mm. One on the right measuring 12.9mm.

4/10 cd16 follie u/s, left ones were the same. Right one grew to 15mm.

4/16 cd22 Ovulation day. Lots of pressure on the right.

4/21 cd27 KJ's SA

4/23 7dpo progesterone check 18.2 My doctor wanted it above 25.

4/25 9dpo Super surprised I made it past 8dpo!! Started on Critone 1x a day.

4/27 11dpo Super squinter on a FRER and a wondfo. Interestingly enough the wondfo was less squinty than the FRER.

4/28 12dpo For sure BFP!! Nice clear positive on both FRER and wondfo. Positive on a CBE digital! Went for 1st beta.

I'm so happy to be pregnant again! I'm hoping and praying that this LO sticks and we get to meet them on January 7, 2015. 

Please sick and grow LO!! Daddy, big sis, and I love you and are looking forward to meeting you!!

Lots of Love, 

KJsbabe

Testing a 5k Curtain

Wait... What?? Lol make that testing, a 5k, and new curtains. :)

Last Thursday (the 27th) I had an app with my OB and it went really well. I love my doctor and his staff! Seriously, it's like they know what I'm going to ask before I even get there. I have a new IF nurse this time around and she's really nice. She really knows what she's talking about. And actually, I remember she preformed Lexi's NT scan and was very informative. 

So, I took my charts in and my doctor and nurse agree that I either O late or have a weak O. The plan is to do cycle monitoring with some testing. I did cd3 b/w on Friday, I have a cd14 ultrasound on the 8th to check my follicles, and tentatively cd21 b/w to confirm O. But, since I don't O until cd20 usually, I'm expecting to need at least one more u/s before we do b/w. Then next cycle they want to do an SIS to check for scaring, polyps, and fibroids. Scheduling didn't work out to do it this cycle. They also want KJ to redo his SA. Last time his numbers were good, but he had high counts of white blood cells. He was supposed to have an app with a urologist, but then I got pg with Lexi, and he didn't want to go if he didn't have to. I'm waiting on a call back from the lab to schedule that. 

So that's the plan so far! I feel really good about it. I feel like we're another step closer to heathy baby #2. Back on the testing train we go! 

In other news, I ran my first 5k of the year on Saturday. It was a really small race, but I finished 8th overall, 3rd female. My time was 24:10 and for being the first one I've ran since Thanksgiving, I'm happy with my time. It's a good starting place for the year. The weather is finally getting nicer, so I think I'll be able to get back to running at the park with Lexi soon. Time to start getting my mileage back and shaving that time down! The next race I'm going to do is this Saturday.

The past couple weeks I've been working on new curtains for our front room. I had shears up, which I like, but KJ kept complaining that you could see in the windows at night. So I starting looking for something to replace the old valences I still had up, left by the previous owners. I never really liked them, but I couldn't find anything that I really liked enough to replace them with. 

Before

I found some nice curtains on Overstock and thought about ordering them, but damn, curtains are expensive! I needed enough for six windows, and of corse you have to buy each panel separately at $30 each... That really adds up!! I just couldn't justify spending $200+ on something that's going to hang over the windows. So, in my google searches shower curtains kept coming up along with regular curtains and some of them were really pretty...

And then it hit me, BAM!! Shower curtains as window curtains!! Why hadn't I thought of that before? It seems so obvious now! We have a nice fabric shower curtain in our bathroom, why couldn't I hang one (or four) in the windows. They come in so many fun patterns and nice colors. They're the perfect size, 72x72, and they're soooo much cheaper than regular curtains. 

I found a nice curtain I really liked at Walmart and picked up two of them for the front four windows. I cut them down the middle and finished off the edges to make four panels. 

Then I folded over the top tab to make the rod pocket. They're about 6" short on either side, but I'm ok with it.

 Voila! 

And yes... Yes that is snow you see outside...

I found another coordinating curtain at Target and got two of those for the side two windows. I folded the top tab over for the rod pocket, and the one side needed hemmed a bit. So, for under $75 I covered six windows and I'm really happy with how they all turned out! 

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Spring, Where are You?!?

I'm so ready for winter to be over! I know everyone pretty much feels that way around here, but seriously... I want to get my run on and the treadmill doesn't really do it for me. I want to run for miles, not minutes. I also need to loose these 5lbs that are still hanging around after the holidays. I'm not a tall person, so 5lbs on me is the difference between my pants fitting and having to buy new ones. 

On the TTC front, we're on cycle #5. My doctor's app is on the 27th, so I will most likely be on cd4 of cycle #6 by then. My LP's so far have been 5, 7, 8, and 8. If I could just get one more day I would feel so much better. I got pregnant twice with a 9 day LP, so if I could just get that far I feel like my chances of getting pregnant again would be a lot higher. This past 2ww I tortured myself and lurked on the Nov BMB, like, every single day. *sigh* We have one more shot at a 2014 baby, and then it's on to busy, busy 2015 (two big family weddings planed already). But hey, let's stay positive. I'll take what ever baby The Lord wants to give me in His timing.

My sister's pregnancy is going well. She had her anatomy scan a couple weeks ago and everything looked good. What a relief!! She was measuring almost a week ahead (baby had been measuring two weeks behind at her first u/s), so that was good news. Her EDD got moved to 7/14, the day before her birthday, coincidentally. She's having a girl, so that's exciting! A little girl cousin for Lexi to play with :) Lexi and I are going to help her register later this week, fun fun!! And I'm also talking up the cloth diapers to her ;) You know me, I can't resist!

KJ's job is going really well. After him switch around jobs so much in the past two years, it's nice that this one is treating him well. He put in a lot of overtime during the holidays in order to get a big project done and they gave him a nice bonus last week for it! Time to go shopping! Lol No, he did give me a little extra spending cash, but I honestly don't know what to buy with it. I'll probably save it until I find something I want. That would be the responsible thing to do, right? Not waste it on something silly, wait it out until I see something good. 

Ooo, speaking of shopping I found the cutest, sweetest Easter dress for Lexi the other day at Kohls. Omg I just fell in love with it! It's too stinking cute!! We have a couple weddings to go to this spring/ summer, so she can wear it for those, too. I can't wait for spring!

Squee! I'm totally in love with this dress!

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

Getting the Ball Rolling

I had my annual lady app today and it went well. My lady bits "look good", so that's always nice to hear, haha! I saw my doctor's nurse practitioner and I told her that we were TTC again. I asked how long we should try this time before asking for help. She gave me the standard "1 year" speech. I told her about my short LP's and she tried to tell me that LP's are always 14 days and that doesn't change month to month, and I go "yeah, mine are 7". She explained to me that some women miss ovulation and just think that they have a short LP, and that you can tell when you ovulate by fertile CM, O pains, temp spike, ect. I told her that yes, I get all of those things around CD20 and then 7 days later I get my next period. *sigh*

I did finally get through to her, though, and she said that my cycle would have to be monitored to confirm late O and LP length, which I expected. She set me up with an app to see my doctor at the end of next month to discuss all that. So, yay! It was a very productive app! I was kind of expecting to have to try for a while on our own. We'll still try in the mean time, obviously, but I'm glad the ball is rolling. Take home baby #2, here we come! :)

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

We've Come a Long Way

A year ago today I started what would turn out to be my BFP cycle. It was also our first testing cycle. I finally felt like we were moving forward with finding out why I couldn't seem to stay pg. We were taking the next step and moving on with life. It felt good! And the answers came in just in time. If we hadn't done testing we wouldn't have found out about the lean PCOS and MTHFR mutation, and my sweet little Lexi might not have made it. I am grateful for her every day, but especially today. She's my miracle, my little fighter. Sometimes I look at her and it's hard to believe she's really mine! I never thought on that day that a year from then I would be getting my daughter's 3 month pictures taken. God has really blessed us! We've come such a long way from where we were a year ago.

I am forever grateful for this sweet little girl!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

And I don't have Chicken Pox!

Woo hoo!

To recap the saga: when we started IF testing at the beginning of October my doctor tested me for chicken pox, as a routine thing they check for. It came up positive, even though I didn't have any symptoms. I had it rechecked a few weeks later and it came up positive a second time. Shortly after that I found out I was pg again and then it became a whole new ball game. Chicken pox while pg can be all kinds of bad (birth defects and other scary complications). I saw an infectious diseases doctor at the beginning of November who didn't spiciaze in pg women. She basically told me, "Well you're pg now so I can't do anything for you!". I had it check a third time a couple weeks ago and I'm still postitive...

Well, long story short I saw a MFM doctor today at McGee Women's Hospital. She was very nice and said that the test my OB was using (testing for IgM) is notorious for getting false positives. She consulted with a different infectious diseases doctor who specializes in pg women (also at McGee) and they went over all of my labs in depth. They're both very confident I've been getting false positives and do not have chicken pox! Yay!

It feels so good to get this resolved and not have to worry about it any more!

Since KJ and I had taken the whole day off work, we decided to make our time in the city worth while and went to Ikea. Love! We browsed the baby section and saw so many things I want to get! If we have a boy we're planning on a jungle themed nursery and if it's a girl we'll do a garden theme. They have these big canopy-like leafs that I just love!



We also looked at the cribs and dresser/ changing table combos. Our future nursery is a pretty small room, so non-bulky and duel purpose pieces are a must. It seems like all the cribs at Target and BRU are these huge tanker things. I mean, I definitely want something sturdy, but I feel like you can still have that without all the bulk. That's why I like the Ikea ones. It doesn't look like there's much to them, but they feel really sturdy and durable.

Hensvik crib


(I can't believe I'm debating about cribs! I'm only 9 weeks! Crazy girl KJ's coming out again!)

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

I Didn't Expect November to be so Nice

November has been a wonderful month so far. The weather has been amazing for this time of year. It's been in the 60's all week, which for western PA is unheard of in November. I just wish Daylight Savings had held off a week or two so when I get home from work it was actually still light out and I could enjoy the nice weather. Oh well.

Other things have been nice, too. It's been two whole weeks since my BFP and I'm still pg! Today I'm 5w4d. This is the point in my first pg that I MC'ed. It's been kind of a personal milestone for me today that everything is still doing well. My third beta check from Thursday came back at 1254. Another great number! I had my fourth and final check on Monday which came back at 6320. Woo hoo! So here's the list for anyone who's been keeping track (like me!):

Oct 28 (12 dpo) - 82.8
Oct 31 (15dpo) - 383
Nov 3 (18dpo) - 1254
Nov 7 (22dpo) - 6320

Those are some great looking numbers, if I do say so myself! My last beta was high enough that my OB nurse scheduled me for an early ultrasound today. KJ and I got to see the sac, but no fetal pole or heartbeat yet. Since I'm still so early, we were expecting that. The u/s tech said that the sac was measuring right on track, though, which was great. At least we know that it's in there and, so far, it's doing what it should be doing. I have another appointment with my OB nurse on Tuesday (11/15), but I'm not sure if I'll get to have another u/s or not. I hope so. A lot of the PgAL ladies said that when they went in a 6w they didn't see a HB yet, but when they went back a few days later, it was there. I'm not too concerned about it. I'm choosing to have faith.

Also, today I had my app with the infectious diseases doctor. She literately told me, "I don't know why you're here!" She said that 9 times out of 10 when chicken pox comes up positive like that it just means that at some point recently I was exposed to the virus. Also, because I'm pg now, she doesn't even deal with prenatal care so she has no idea how to even treat me if I did have it. She said she was going to consult with Magee Woman's Hospital down in Pittsburgh and see what they had to say about it. All in all, it was a pretty pointless appointment! It literately took longer to take my BP and temp than the whole consolation with the doctor took. A whole morning off work wasted.... Oh well, at least we're 90% sure it's nothing.

"Good day Sunshine!"

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Betas are Coming in!

It's been a whole week since I got my BFP and I'm still pregnant! Such a relief! On Monday I got my first beta number back from my Friday b/w. I was at 82.8, was is a good start. Since I'm officially pg by medical standards now, my doctor put me on progesterone suppositories, Endometrine 100mg 2x a day. Just being on it makes my mind more at ease. I'm not worrying so much now if my LO has enough of what it needs to grow on or not. On Tuesday I got my second beta number back from my Monday b/w which was 383. Yay for quadrupling numbers! I went in again today and then Monday (11/7) for more checks. Hopefully we'll still see the doubling numbers we need. My OB nurse (not my IF nurse anymore! Same lady, though) said that as long as I get a good number on Monday she'll have be come in for an early u/s next week. So exciting! I need some major FX'ing!

I'm still extremely nervous about this pregnancy. Sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hate this feeling. I'm trying my best to stay hopeful and trust in God, but I'm so scared. I had a tiny bit of pink spotting last night a freaked the eff out. It happened right before bed and it was all I could do to fall a sleep. Today, it's just been a bit of brown, so that's been a huge relief. I think what happened was I got a little to firm with the progesterone applicator. I will definitely be more careful from now on! Please that be the last scare I have with this pg!

My symptoms have started to increase, which only makes me feel better. My (.)(.) are much more sore today than they have been, I have a bit of light cramping now and then, and I could really go for a nap. Bring on the morning sickness!

"I want it all!"

I'm anxiously awaiting my third beta check which I'll probably get back tomorrow. Please double, LO! Mommy loves you!!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe



P.S. On a side note, I unfortunately was in the musical Baby in college. It was such a horrendous production I seem to have successfully blocked out of my mind. I only remembered how funny and ridiculous the songs were and didn't seem to remember how annoying and ear splitting the "Broadway" (I use that term very loosely) soundtrack was. I've removed the song "I Want it All" from the playlist because I figure if I can't stand it, you probably can't either! Instead, enjoy the lyrics:

I want it all
I want it all
I want the whole female experience in a ball
I want it all
I want the morning sickness and the elations
I want every known female sensation
I want to be Scarlett O’Hara, Joan of Arc, Lauren Bacall
I want it all!

This Time Around

Where do I even start? I guess I'll just say it. I'm pregnant!!!! I'm still a little in shock and don't fully believe it yet. I'm really nervous and scared, but I'm trusting God, and whatever happens, I know he will take care of me.

I thought beyond a doubt that I had gotten AF on Tuesday. For me, it was "on time" and my temps went down like normal. Then Thursday rolled around and I had a huge temp spike. At that point Crazy-Girl-KJ came out and thought, "Well I know AF is here, but it's been pretty light and with that temp spike... I could still be pg, right??" I took a wondof and got a barely there BFP. Shocked!



I called my IF nurse and she said that what I thought was AF was probably really implantation bleeding. Now, I've always read that implantation bleeding is normally just a tiny bit of spotting, and I defiantly had a full on flow for a day and a half. That alone makes me pretty nervous. I spotted a bit Thursday and it's pretty much stopped yesterday. I'd be lying if I said, I have a lot of faith this pg will last. I'm trying to stay positive, though. For now, for today, I am pregnant!

Yesterday morning I took the plunge and tested with a EPT digital. Seeing a definitive "Pregnant" made this much more believable. I went yesterday afternoon for a blood test. I won't get my numbers back until Monday, though.



Last week at my follow up app I opted to have a RPL panel ran and it's a good thing I did. I got the results yesterday and it came back with one mutation of MTHFR, C677T. My doctor wants me to start taking extra folic acid starting ASAP. After my +blood test comes back on Monday, he'll also put me on progesterone supplements. It sucks that I have to wait all the way until Monday, though. I have some progesterone cream that I've been putting on my wrists, but it's no where near as potent as the supplements will be. Hang on till Monday, LO!

^^This is why I love my new OB! He's so proactive. If I had stayed with my old OB, I'd probably be in line for another MC. I actually feel like I have a chance of keeping this LO now.

I announced my BFP on TTCAL and intro'ed on PgAL yesterday. I was nervous, but the support from those ladies was just overwhelming. They have been such a blessing and have really helped me get through my last lost and everything that came with it. I hope they know how much they mean to me!

"All I know's that the fear has got to go this time around."

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Another Busy Week

On Wednesday this week (10/19) KJ and I went to my follow up app with my new OB. He had some questions about the SA that I wasn't answering very well, so it was good he went with me and got some answers. We got some good news and some, I guess, interesting news. The interesting news is that my doctor has dx me with the "thin person's" version of PCOS. All of my additional b/w came back normal (testosterone, TSH, insulin, glucose, ect), but the two main things pointing to it are my unbalanced FSH & LH and a cyst on my right ovary. I guess this isn't the worst thing in the world. My doctor said it's very treatable, especially in my "thin person" state. Since everything else was clean, I don't have to be on any meds or anything. I feel like this is really just a "label" for my fertility issues. He said next time I get pg I'll be monitored very closely and be put on progesterone right away. I was very glad to hear that!

On to the good news: we got the exact numbers back from KJ's SA (before the nurse just told me they were "good"). His count was 90mil with 70% motility! My doctor thinks that the reason we haven't gotten pg again yet has something to do with the mysterious white blood cells they found in his sample. He said it's probably a minor infection and the urologist will give him some antibiotics to help clear it up. He was very confident that after that's taken care of, I'll be pg in no time.

With only two MC's my doctor doesn't consider me to have reoccurring pg loss, but offered to do an RPL panel anyways. I did that b/w on today (all 10 viles!). I also have a SIS on November 1 to check for polyps and fibroids. I figured we might as well continue with the testing while we're waiting for DH's urologist app next month. In the mean time, he wants us to continue trying on our own and if I'm not pg by January he'll start me on a couple cycles of clomid. He didn't want to start me on it now if DH's sperm aren't in top shape. I had thought that we might start on the clomid right away, but I get why he wants to wait. It made me feel really good that's he's so sure I'll be pg in the next next few months. I hope he's right!

Yesterday my IF nurse called to tell me that the recheck for chickenpox that I did on Monday, came back positive again. *le sigh* She set me up with a referral app with an infectious diseases doctor. It's possible that this is just a false positive, meaning there's no active infection, but she wants me to get this checked out now rather than later. If I were to get pg with a live infection, it can be all kinds of bad and cause some serious birth defects. My mom swears that I had them as a baby, so I have no idea why this is coming up. My app with the ID doctor is on November 10.

We got the bill for KJ's SA in the mail today. It's the first bill we've gotten from the testing so far. It was only $16.05!! Phew! A lot of insurances don't cover IF related things and I'm so glad our's does.

I have to say, I am so, so grateful I finally found a good doctor with an amazing staff. I feel like when I bring up a concern or a question they actually listen and take it seriously. They don't brush me off as just another silly patient with a dumb question. All of the testing they've offered has been exactly what I was looking and hoping for. I feel like we're finally on the right track!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Where to Start?

Where to start? So much has been going on! Busy busy. You had better grab your popcorn now, because this is going to be a long one!

 
 
On Sept 20 I had an appointment with an infertility nurse at my new OB's for a consultation. She was really nice. I explained to her everything about trying, MC #1, the whole MC #2 debacle, and my short LP's. She was really wonderful about everything. She knew exactly what I was talking about and jumped right in to talking about testing and Clomid. She said that because we've been trying for a year and a half and have had two MC's, I qualify for testing with them. When she said I should start charting my BBT, I got really excited and said, "I love charting!". She was very open to looking at my charts (my old OB pretty much rolled his eyes at my charts) and even complimented how neat and organized FF was. The plan we came up with was on my next cycle to do CD3 blood work, a HSG on CD7, and a SA for KJ. The app really could not have gone better.

Mine and KJ's 4th wedding anniversary was on Sept 22. I was really sick all that week, so we had a low key celebration of take out, a movie, and FWP. I, of coarse, was O'ing while I was sick, but I wasn't about to give up on a perfectly good month just because I wasn't feeling well. We ended up going out to a nice dinner that weekend to celebrate properly.

I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to test until Monday, Oct 3, because I was planning on running two races that weekend. If I did happen to get a BFP, I didn't want to be thinking, "OMG, I'm PG, I'm so scarred to run!" I wanted to be able to run well and not have any emotional distraction. Well. I didn't even make it to my test date. AF came Friday (Sept 30) night and gave me another 7 day LP. Joy. Another reason I didn't want AF to come on that day was because last year my last AF before my BFP started on Sept 30. Now I'm lined up to O and possibly get a BFP exactly when I did last year. This is the one and only month I hope I don't get pg. It would be really hard go through the same time line again. I think I would be twice as worried as any other month. *Le sigh*




Saturday, Oct 1 KJ and I drove over to Clarion for the start of ALF week 5k. It was rainy and cold and all around gross outside. I ran anyway, but I didn't have a great time. I got 24:00 and came in 59th. I just wasn't pushing myself and was kind of disappointed because of it. Also, that day we went back to that yard sale from a few weeks ago and bought the rest of the ALF glasses that sweet old lady had. I have them all set up in my cabinet now and they look great. The search is back on for more!



On Sunday Oct 2, KJ and I went to the next town over and we both ran in the Clark Vol FD 5k. It was still cold and rainy (high of 49 degrees!), so there was hardly anyone there (42 runners!), but we ran anyways. It was KJ's first race and I was very proud of him. I also redeemed myself from the day before. KJ came in 22nd over all with 25:47 and I can in 12th over all and 1st female with 22:19, and new personal best. I was pretty proud of my time and that I won! I've never come in first before. I won a fruit basket and everything!




Monday, Oct 3 I did my CD3 blood work (even though it was cd4).


Wednesday, Oct 5 I took a half day of work and drove with my sister to Cleveland. We saw Hanson at the House of Blues!! I had such an awesome time. They are such great live performers. You know, sometimes you go see acts live and they don't sound anything like what they're supposed to. Hanson is nothing like that. They sound exactly like they do on their CDs and they're so energetic and fun to watch! The concert was by far the best I've ever been to! Life changing!




 

On Thursday, Oct 6 I had my HSG. It went pretty well. When they put the catheter in and blew up the balloon, I had a pretty bad cramp, but other than that it was fine. Everything looked good. My ute had a good shape and my tubes were clear, so that was good news. Also, I got my b/w back that day. Everything looked good except for my FSH and LH levels. They were out of balance which can be an indication of PCOS. I was pretty surprised by that. I've read over the symptoms a few times before and it's never sounded like something I had. My IF nurse sent me for more b/w and I also had an u/s done that day to check for cysts. It showed I have a small cyst on my right ovary. I'm not sure what that means. I thought I've read before that a cyst now and then is normal. I honestly haven't had time to look anything up about it.

Friday, October 7 I went in for my extra b/w and KJ had his SA drop off. He was kind of nervous about it, but got through it. After that, we headed over to Clarion for ALF. Every year on the Friday of ALF there's a huge craft fair down main street. it stretches for 12 blocks all the way from campus to the stadium. On years where the weather is nice (like this year) there's been up to a quarter of a million people all over this little college town. I officially started my Christmas shopping! I found some nice gifts for my sister and MIL. I got a cute little sign to hang in my kitchen, also.



KJ and I had a really good time catching up with all of our old college friends at ALF. A lot of KJ's friends are starting to have kids now. Last year at this time I was so sure I would have a baby to show off this weekend, or at least a nice bump. It was hard seeing everyone ooo and aww over all of these adorable babies. I tried to stay positive, though. It helped to know we're at least moving forward with the testing. Maybe someday I'll have a LO to take to ALF.



"Someday. Say it's coming soon"

Yesterday, my IF nurse called with KJ's SA results. She said he has good motility, a good amount of normal sperm, and good morphology. She did say, though, that they found white blood cells in his sample. She said it probably means that he was sick or is getting sick, and that's probably nothing. They do want him to see an urologist, though, just in case to check things out. KJ wasn't too happy about seeing a specialist, but is going to go for me. I really hope the nurse is right and it's nothing.

Today I got a new iPhone! I'm excited! This is a really big step for me. I've had the same LG flip phone since before we were married. It's still in pretty good shape, so I really didn't feel the need to upgrade. I have an iTouch, and between the two, it did pretty much everything I needed. Lately, though, I've been seeing the need more and more to get a smart phone. I wanted the GPS, camera, Internet anywhere, touch and phone all in one pretty package. I really like it so far. I'm just trying to transfer everything over now. What a pain!




Phew! That was long! If you made it all the way through, that deserves some cheese cake!

 


Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

6 Day LP and Other Downers

Every month I feel more and more like I'm being left behind. Every few weeks there's a BFP wave on TTCAL, and as usual I get stuck in the undertow. I'm happy for each and every lady who gets to graduate, I just wish I could move on with them. The ladies who came onto the board about the same time I did (back in Feb) have dwindled to only about a handful. I'm a few months shy of becoming an official TTCAL oldie, something I never wanted to be. If I don't get PG this cycle, next month will be one year since my BFP cycle. I never thought it would take this long to get PG again.



AF came way early for me this weekend giving me a 6 day LP. That was my shortest yet. As I said before, I decided to call and get an appointment with a new doctor (my old doc was awful). First, I called a doc that my GP recommended and her office couldn't get me in until Oct 27. The girl I talked to kind of gave me attitude and didn't seem like she had a clue as to what I was talking about when I briefly explained about my LP's. I wasn't happy, but I made the app anyways, so at least I had something. My SIL is a PA and when she was doing her rotations, she did her OB/GYN one with another area doctor. She spoke pretty highly of him and my boss actually recommended him, too. So, I called his office, also. It was like night and day compared to the first doc's. The office lady I talked to was really nice and very helpful. She was thorough in getting all of my information and offered to help me transfer over my records from my old doc. She was able to get me in on September 20. I'm going to be seeing an infertility nurse (that sounds scary!) for a consultation and then we'll go from there. I feel good about this and I hope it's a step in the right direction.



Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up. We're 19 months into trying. This is our 12th cycle of actively TTC (5th since the last MC). It was never supposed to have taken this long. I'm starting to think, what's even the point anymore? Even if I do get PG, it's not like I'll be able to keep it. Maybe the app in a few weeks will renew my want to try, but right now, I'm pretty, "meh" about the whole situation.

The one good thing about this weekend was Labor Day. It was a three day weekend, and on Monday I ran my first 5k since my Sr year of XC (9 years ago this fall!). I was nervous leading up to it, but it went really well. My time was 24:56 and I came in 5th in my age division. Admittedly, it was probably the easiest course I've ever ran (all pavement and 80% down hill), but I'll take it! I've gotten so excited about running again that I have plans to run six more races in the coming weekends. They probably won't be all as easy, but now at least I have a time to beat. My personal best back when I ran XC was 23:23. I'd love to be able to run that again!



Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Carry You There

"I'll be waiting to carry you there..."

Today was my follow up app from my D&C. The only good news is that I never have to see my doctor again! I am free to switch doctors as I please now. I took my charts in for him to look at. Basically what it boiled down to was that my year+ of charting really doesn't have much weight now that I've had the D&C. I understand that your cycle can change after, but even this month I still had a 10 day LP, like normal. He said that he's not going to worry about it until it happens the next two cycles. I feel like that's all he ever tells me! "Let's wait and see what happens."

"And I waited for you... Run, run, runway. Maybe some day I will find someone, too..."

He said that he wouldn't refer me to a RE (even though I didn't ask to be) until a few more cycles. He did give me the name of the one in the area to call if I want, "because you seem so impatient." That really ticked me off. I guess I was being a little pushy with my charts, but I'm not impatient. I'm just not willing to sit around another four months for him to decide to do something. I'm just trying to be proactive.

Also, at one point he said I have one more cycle until we're "good to go." I just gave him a look and said, "that's not what you said before!" Then he told me that what he really meant when he said to wait one cycle, was to wait one cycle after my first AF. Bull effing sh!t! Yeah, sorry doc, I will not be waiting yet another cycle.

By the end of the of the appointment, I was pretty annoyed. He tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Maybe one of these days we'll get you to smile!" All I could say was, "Well maybe one of these days you'll give me some good news!" I really don't care that it was a rude thing to say.

"I don't care what you say. I don't have use for your words anyway."

After I got out of there I was so upset. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to drink. I wanted to do something that hurt. I just started driving. I ended up at a near by park that has a walking trail, and I ran...

"It's alright. It can get too much to handle by yourself. But if you can't do it alone I know you will say, 'I don't know what's at stake, or what it takes'... I'll be waiting with my bare back, to care you there."

I ran as fast as I could for a while and then slowed down to a steady pace. It hurt, but it felt so good. I really need to get rid of all the adrenaline that had built up during the appointment, I hate confrontation. I needed the catharsis. I'm defiantly going to be running more often.

"I'll be waiting to carry you there"

I don't think I want to call the RE, I just want a doctor who takes my concerns seriously. I want one that I actually like seeing and that I don't feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack every time I have to go in. I think what I'm going to do is make an app with my GP. I like her and trust her, and I'm over due for my annual anyway. Hopefully she can recommend a nice OB.

"It's simple, but some how, letting go's the hardest part."

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

I Have a Plan

I finally got up the courage to ask my doc about my short LP. I talked to the NP and told her how I had been charting and that my LP was 9-10 days and that I O'd on cd20. She really didn't seem concerned at first and said that length of the different phases really didn't matter. I was a little shocked at that because that's the opposite of everything I've ever read or heard. Normally I would have left it at that, but I said to myself, I have to be my own advocate, I can't just walk away, I need an answer, don't be a push over, Holly. So, I told her how I had had two MCs and asked if it might have had anything to do with causing them. She said that its possible and explained about progesterone (which I already knew, of course). Then she gave me the plan: as soon as I get a BFP I need to call in and have them run a blood test and a progesterone check.

I cannot tell you how good having a plan makes me feel! I feel truly hopeful for the first time in months. I feel like next time I won't just be sitting around hoping it won't happen again. I'll be doing something proactive to help my baby. The next time I get PG I have a better chance of getting my take home baby!

“Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.”

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe