What's standing in my way? Breastfeeding. "Natures's birth control" can suck it. I haven't had a real period for over two years. September 30, 2011 is my LMP. Yes, I had pp bleeding after I had Lexi, but other than that, nothing. I hate that my body doesn't want to cooperate. I hate that I'm one of the "lucky few" that the pp period won't come until we've weaned. Because the thing is, I don't want to wean completely. I love the BFing relationship that Lexi and I have. Sure we had some issues at the beginning. It took her forever for to learn how to latch and we both leaned on the nipple shield too much. It took 20-30 minuets just to get her to latch sometimes! We both worked so hard to get it right and then at 4 weeks old we were home free. We had a great rhythm. Then 3 months hit and I woke up with a clogged duct one morning. By that evening I had mastitis. It was awful. KJ was no help what so ever. I was literally and figuratively a single mom. I was taking care of a 3 month old while feeling like I was dealing with the flu, all by myself. But we some how made it though. I continued to pump at work. It was a relief and huge stress all at the same time. Relieve that I got a break from my awful job, but stress that I never was able to pump enough during the day. I absolutely did not want to resort to supplementing with formula, so I would pump around the clock. Pump when I got home from work, while feeding Lexi. Pump before I went to bed. Pump first thing in the morning, while feeding Lexi. I lived on lactation cookies. It was such a relieve, in soooo many ways when I finally was able to quit my job. I can't even describe how good it felt. It was like I could breath again. No more pumping. No more stressing. No more awful customers. I am so not cut out to be a working mom and I am so, so grateful that KJ's job allowed me to be able to stay home. Thank you Lord!
Lord, you really do know best and your timing is perfect. If I had been able to keep my first baby there's no way we would have been able to afford me staying home with him. Same with my second baby. Literally at that time, KJ and I were both making together what he now makes by himself.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I don't know why I lost two babies. I don't know why it took so long and so much. I don't know why I was blessed with such a wonderful, sweet little girl. And I don't know why it's not the right time to TTC right now. But. I do know that the Lord's timing is perfect. I do know that He will bless me with a second baby when He sees fit. I cannot see the future. I don't know what is in store for me and my family. But. I do know that The Lord will answer my prayers. Wether yes, no, or not right now. My Lord answers prayers.
"I prayed for this child, and The Lord has granted me what I asked of him."
I'm trying my best to be patient...
Lots of Love,
KJsbabe
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