April, Please be Kind

"Whisper words of wisdom, let it be"

I got some not so good news from the doctor today. They never called me last week with my B/W results, so I called them today. They said even though I have been dropping, it's been all together too slowly. They want me to go in to the Woman's Care Center next Monday the 11th for an ultrasound to see what the eff is going on in there. Then I have to go in for a F/U appointment the following Monday the 18.

"There will be an answer, let it be"

I'm really nervous about all of this, especially going back into the office. I haven't been there since we found out we lost the baby. Last May right after my first MC, I went into the office for, literally, three minuets and had a panic attack. I just stared at all the obviously PG ladies who all had healthy babies, and I lost it. I wanted to throw up and pass out at the same time. It was bad, and I don't want a repeat event. I really hope at the end of all this I have some actual answers and not just told to wait some more. I have to be my own advocate. I have to be forward and un-shy.

"No one lives to change your fate, you'll have to do it for yourself"

I'm worried that the doctor will say something terrible is wrong with me. I'm worried that he'll say I have to have a D&C or that we have to wait some more before TTCing. Why did it have to come to this? Why couldn't my body have just been normal and regulated itself?

"I just want feel ok again"

So, please dear April, be kind to me. Please let this be a good month. I don't think I can take many more bad ones.

"Black bird fly..."

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe