I really need to stop lurking on PgAL. If I can't handle it after all this time, I don't know why I keep doing it. I recognize so many ladies there who have moved on from TTCAL. I'm so happy that they have all been blessed with another LO, but at the same time I feel very left behind. I usually venture over when I'm having a good day, normally in the 2ww (like today). I click on a post from a SN I recognize and read about their good news. I start looking at every one's tickers and see how far along they are now. I think back to when I congratulated them on their BFP's and it doesn't seem like it's been 16, or 20, or 32 weeks now, but it has. It's been that long, and longer. The first lady who I remember from the MC/PL board getting a BFP is about ready to pop. She has spent all of this time PG, and I have spent all of this time not even close.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
I trust God to give me a healthy baby when He is ready. There's really nothing else to do. Every life is a gift from Him. It might sound silly, but since my second loss I have prayed that He will not let me become pg again until I am able to have a healthy baby. Maybe it's the wrong thing to pray for, but that's what it is. Even with trust, though, it's hard not to feel left behind.
I think it's time for some wine...
Now that's my kind of glass!
"Slow down my beating heart. Slowly, slowly love."
Lots of Love,
KJsbabe
I haven't visited your blog in forever! Congrats for doing so well in all of your races :)
ReplyDeleteI can't bring myself to go over to PgAL. You are certainly stronger than me. I don't think what you are praying for is wrong. I often pray the very same thing. It makes sense. I know that we will get our take-home babies soon. I have faith! (hugs)