I went to a picnic this weekend. There were two PG ladies, three guy bragging about their PG wives, and at least five toddlers running around. And you know what? I was ok. In fact I was really fine. I even congratulated one of the guys when he told me they were going to find out the sex of their baby next week. It's like I've healed or something! When on Earth did that happen??
"Maybe it's just about time you turn it around tonight. You got to pack your bags and drive to a sunny day..."
It's nice to feel fine. I've gotten so used to being not ok, that it's a little weird feeling good. I've stared to feel this way more and more since my EDD passed. There are no more dates to dread, no more unbearable situations, no more "that should be me" thoughts running through my head. I no longer feel this unquenchable desire to get PG *now*. Oddly enough, I feel like I have all the time in the world. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. May of '10 right before our first loss, to be exact, was the last time I felt at peace with time.
"You got time, baby take it!"
I'm ok with taking time to get PG again. I mean, if I'm not PG I can't loose another LO. I'm enjoying this healed feeling and I don't want to mess it up with another loss! Is that so wrong? Maybe in another couple cycles I'll be ready to hurt again, but for now, I'm taking my time.
Lots of Love,
KJsbabe
Hello! I'm new to your blog. Saw the link in your siggy on TTCAL on TB (I'm kbhaynes). Just wanted to say that its great that you are feeling this way! Wish I could say the same. We experienced our loss in May of this year, so we still have a long way to go.
ReplyDeleteAlso wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE that you have Hanson playing as your background music. I thought I was the *only* Hanson fan left on the planet, lol.
Anyway, I wish you all the best - hope to talk to you soon on the boards over at TTCAL (I'm a newbie)!