In a Little While, Surely You'll be Mine

I really need to stop lurking on PgAL. If I can't handle it after all this time, I don't know why I keep doing it. I recognize so many ladies there who have moved on from TTCAL. I'm so happy that they have all been blessed with another LO, but at the same time I feel very left behind. I usually venture over when I'm having a good day, normally in the 2ww (like today). I click on a post from a SN I recognize and read about their good news. I start looking at every one's tickers and see how far along they are now. I think back to when I congratulated them on their BFP's and it doesn't seem like it's been 16, or 20, or 32 weeks now, but it has. It's been that long, and longer. The first lady who I remember from the MC/PL board getting a BFP is about ready to pop. She has spent all of this time PG, and I have spent all of this time not even close.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

I trust God to give me a healthy baby when He is ready. There's really nothing else to do. Every life is a gift from Him. It might sound silly, but since my second loss I have prayed that He will not let me become pg again until I am able to have a healthy baby. Maybe it's the wrong thing to pray for, but that's what it is. Even with trust, though, it's hard not to feel left behind.

I think it's time for some wine...




Now that's my kind of glass!

"Slow down my beating heart. Slowly, slowly love."

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

And I waited for you...

This weekend was pretty busy. On Saturday KJ and I drove over to the Peanut Butter Festival and I ran the 5k. It was a chilly morning, but it turned out to be a good race. My time was 23:32, which I was really happy with. Only 9 seconds off of my personal best. I came in 22nd over all, 4th woman, and 2nd in the 20-29 female age bracket. I got a silver medal!

On our way home from the race we saw a sign for a yard sale, and since we both love a good sale, we stopped. The town we were driving through was close Clarion where KJ and I met and went to school. Every fall for homecoming they hold the Autumn Leaf Festival. It's this huge thing where a quarter of a million people come to this tiny college and swarm main street in search of crafts, fried food, and of course, leaves. We go back every year and we love it. Also, every year since 1959 they have made a commemorative glass to go along with the theme that year. I started buying them half way through school and thought it would be cool to collect them. So, whenever I see an old one I pick it up. Back to the yard sale,  we hit the jackpot! This sweet old lady was having a sale and had a ton of old ALF glasses. It was awesome! I only had $12 on me so I bought six glasses: '01, '99, '98, '96, '95, and '94. We got to talking and she obviously knew all about the glasses and how people collect them. She offered to keep the rest of what she had back for me for later. I couldn't believe she was willing to do that! We'll be going back to Clarion for a 5k on Oct 1, so now we also have plans to go back to this woman's house and buy eight more glasses (much older ones) for $30. Plus she said she'd keep an eye out for any more for me. It was an awesome day!



Sunday I ran the Sharon PD Five-O 5k. It was another chilly morning, but that's September for you. The race went really well and I made a new personal best! I had a time of 22:44, 22nd over all, 4th woman, and 1st in the 25-29 female age bracket. I can't believe I'm in the 22's! I never thought I'd get that fast. I'm very proud of my new time! I got another medal, too.



Sunday night I stared feeling like I was coming down with something. This morning I woke up with a full blown sinus infection. I feel like poo... There's a race on both Saturday and Sunday that I haven't signed up for, but could still do. I guess I'll have to see how I'm feeling towards the end of the week and decide if I feel up to them or not.



I hope I feel better soon...

"Maybe some day..."

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Running for Fun!

"Maybe. It's a vicious little word that could slay me."

I ran in the Saxonburg Arts Festival 5k this weekend. It was a much harder course than last weekend, but went pretty well. I improved my time from last week and that's really my main goal when racing. My official time was 23:45, but the photo evidence begs to differ. KJ took a picture of me crossing the finish line and you can clearly see the clock at 23:52.



Even still, it was a whole minuet faster than last week. Placing wise, I did much better than I though I would. 61st over all, 12th over all female, and 1st in the 25-29 year old females. I won a medal and everything! There wasn't a lot of competition (only three other girls in my age bracket), but I was still pretty proud of my self.



Next up this weekend is the Peanut Butter Festival 5K on Saturday and the Sharon PD Five-O 5K on Sunday. I've never been to the PB festival, but I think it's pretty amusing they have a whole celebration just for peanut butter. I bet poor jelly feels a little left out!

"Someday. Say it's coming soon."

BT-Dubs, I'm loving Sara Bareilles' CD "Kaleidoscope Heart"

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

6 Day LP and Other Downers

Every month I feel more and more like I'm being left behind. Every few weeks there's a BFP wave on TTCAL, and as usual I get stuck in the undertow. I'm happy for each and every lady who gets to graduate, I just wish I could move on with them. The ladies who came onto the board about the same time I did (back in Feb) have dwindled to only about a handful. I'm a few months shy of becoming an official TTCAL oldie, something I never wanted to be. If I don't get PG this cycle, next month will be one year since my BFP cycle. I never thought it would take this long to get PG again.



AF came way early for me this weekend giving me a 6 day LP. That was my shortest yet. As I said before, I decided to call and get an appointment with a new doctor (my old doc was awful). First, I called a doc that my GP recommended and her office couldn't get me in until Oct 27. The girl I talked to kind of gave me attitude and didn't seem like she had a clue as to what I was talking about when I briefly explained about my LP's. I wasn't happy, but I made the app anyways, so at least I had something. My SIL is a PA and when she was doing her rotations, she did her OB/GYN one with another area doctor. She spoke pretty highly of him and my boss actually recommended him, too. So, I called his office, also. It was like night and day compared to the first doc's. The office lady I talked to was really nice and very helpful. She was thorough in getting all of my information and offered to help me transfer over my records from my old doc. She was able to get me in on September 20. I'm going to be seeing an infertility nurse (that sounds scary!) for a consultation and then we'll go from there. I feel good about this and I hope it's a step in the right direction.



Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up. We're 19 months into trying. This is our 12th cycle of actively TTC (5th since the last MC). It was never supposed to have taken this long. I'm starting to think, what's even the point anymore? Even if I do get PG, it's not like I'll be able to keep it. Maybe the app in a few weeks will renew my want to try, but right now, I'm pretty, "meh" about the whole situation.

The one good thing about this weekend was Labor Day. It was a three day weekend, and on Monday I ran my first 5k since my Sr year of XC (9 years ago this fall!). I was nervous leading up to it, but it went really well. My time was 24:56 and I came in 5th in my age division. Admittedly, it was probably the easiest course I've ever ran (all pavement and 80% down hill), but I'll take it! I've gotten so excited about running again that I have plans to run six more races in the coming weekends. They probably won't be all as easy, but now at least I have a time to beat. My personal best back when I ran XC was 23:23. I'd love to be able to run that again!



Lots of Love,
KJsbabe