Two Weeks Notice

That was the first movie KJ and I watched together when we started dating... Aw!

I put my official two weeks notice in today! I gave my supervisor a heads up a week or so ago, but today I made sure HR knew and got the ball rolling on "closing up shop". It's very exciting!! I'm so ready to move on from that place and onto the next phase in my life. It's going to be so great to have a fresh start. Spring is the time for new beginnings and it seems very fitting for me to make this move now. Yesterday, also actually, marked 5 years of working there. That's way longer than I ever planned to be there. I'm glad to be getting out!!

12 more days to go!!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Lord, give me patients, because I'm about to loose my shit.

With the week I've had at work... And now DH doing jack shit to help with Lexi... I'm about a half inch from... I don't even know what, but it's going to be bad...

I need a drink and a run, and I can't do either right now. So, Lord, you had better give me patients, and lots of it, because I'm about ready to flip the eff out.

2 hours later...

So, when Lexi was down for the night and DH came home from the gym, I handed him the monitor and said, "You're in charge of her tonight. I need a break." I poured myself a big glass of wine and went up stairs. I love that girl to death, but I need... To just be tonight. I might be a little tipsy... One glass turned into four...

Random thoughts: cats are awesome, I love Zac Hanson (always have, always will), cloth diapers are the best!! (I need to check Kellyscloset to see what kinds of sales they have), I think my daughter is gorgeous and am so glad she's way cutter than I was as a baby!!, I love my c/s scar.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

It's 6 Flucking Degrees Out

Why on Earth have I not moved south yet? Why do I keep on subjecting myself to "winter" year after year?? What is wrong with me???

I feel like I'm functioning with half a brain. I have been so forgetful lately. Wet bags, bibs, feeding the cat, mailing out packages, putting dinner in the crockpot... The list goes on. Forgetting the packages thing was today. I sold a few things on eBay and had them all set to mail out today... And they're sitting on the kitchen counter. So instead of going to see Lexi on my lunch break like I normally do, I have to run home to get them. Sucks. I need a vacation.

KJ and I have started working out again. When the weather gets bad I get bad about getting my but moving, so I really hadn't done anything since Thanksgiving. KJ joined the Planet Fitness that just opened up and I've been running on our treadmill in the basement. We both need to get back into shape and loose some holiday weight. I love running... But right now all I want to do is sleep... More on that later.

At work they keep moving around my pumping room and it's getting annoying. I'm on my third room since Christmas. They're remodeling the downstairs area where I sit, so I get that we're running out of places, but I wish it wasn't such a hassle. April can't come soon enough! Physical remodeling isn't the only "remodeling" going on either. They have been letting a lot of people go lately and I'm sort of wondering when it's going to be my turn.

I made a smoothie this morning with yogurt, blackberries, and banana and added in some brewers yeast. It tastes like awful, fruity beer. I need to buy stock in fenungreek. I've been taking 3 capsules every 3 hours for the past 4 days... No noticeable change in my supply yet. I feel like it's a constant struggle to keep it up. I've only been averaging 6-7 oz during the day at work. I've started to rotate my freezer stash, so there's not as much pressure to pump exactly enough every day, but I'm not putting back as much as I'm taking out. I know it's going to catch up to me sooner or later...

Come on April...

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

We Have Set a Date...

For me to quit my job!! Over New Years KJ and I had a serious talk about me becoming a SAHM and what we need to do to get to that point. We decided that if I continue to work until the end of April, putting my pay check into savings all the while, we should be in a good position. We'll have enough to do some fix-up things around the house to get it in sellable condition and hopefully be able to move later in the year.

It feels so good to have a end in sight! I have something to work towards now. I have a goal. I'm already looking up fun activities and outings Lexi and I can do together this summer. We'll go to the park a lot and I just discovered this indoor play place for kids just up the street from us. It's for kids 1+ and they have different play groups according to age that you can join. I'll be signing her up on June 30th! I'm so excited!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Struggling

I recently read a blog post I saw on Pintrest entitled "Being a Working Mom When You Really Want to Stay Home". At first I thought, "Great! This describes me to a tee. I'll get some inspiration from this post that will help me keep going as a wannabe SAHM. Wrong. This post only made me feel worse. A lot worse.

"Even though we knew it would be short-term when I went back to work, it still wasn’t easy. I will never get those first few months of my little girl’s life back."

Gee, thanks for rubbing it in! I've been trying not to think of my work situation that way, but thanks for making it black and white for me. Every second that I'm hating my life at work, I will never get those moments with my daughter back.

"When I was a working mom, God enriched my life with co-worker friendships."

Well, how nice for you that you had awesome and supportive co-workers! My co-irkers suck. Plan and simple. I have never met a more miserable group of women. They're all divorced, so I get to hear them, on a daily basis, bitch and moan about their ex's, their kids, going to court, and how they never have any money because the lawyers take it all. The atmosphere at my office is toxic. They are mean and bitter and about as far from "enriching" as you can get.

"When I was a working mom, God provided an amazing babysitter–who became a dear friend."

Now this is the only thing I can agree with. We have been very lucky that my MIL is able to watch Lexi while we're at work. It's nice to know that someone we trust is giving her one on one attention and genuine love everyday. However, sometimes it's a struggle to get MIL to do certain things. Sometimes Lexi doesn't get all of her bottles during the day because she's sleeping and MIL doesn't want to wake her up. Or she'll heat up a bottle and then not give her the whole thing. That's probably the most agitating thing, because once you start a bottle you have to finish it. You can't save it for later. You can't heat and chill, heat and chill. You'll get bacteria and it'll make baby sick. It kills me when this happens and I have to dump half a bottle because it's been sitting out. I'm working around the clock to get enough BM to give her during the day. It's not like I can just mix up more formula... MIL doesn't seem to get it!!

"When I was a working mom, God allowed my husband to have some daddy-daughter bonding time."

Again, how nice for you!! My husband gets less time with Lexi because, I'll admit it, I'm a baby hog. I miss her so much during the day, all I want to do when I get home is hold her and spend time with her. If KJ doesn't say, "Hey. I'll hold her" or something, I forget to offer her to him and end up holding her the whole evening.

"When I was a working mom and exclusively breastfeeding, God sharpened my will and determination."

Yeah... Determination is not what I feel when I have to stay up until 12am every night pumping because I wasn't able to pump enough at work for the next day. Determination is not what I feel when I only get 2 messily ounces and pray I can get at least 2 more in the morning. A sharp will is not what I feel like I have when I'm taking enough fenungreek to smell like maple syrup, chugging more water then I did while pg, and stuffing my face with lactation cookies in hopes of actually keeping up for once. Annoyance, frustration, exhaustion, failure. That's what I feel.

"If you have a plan in place to come home, remind yourself that this season of being a working mom won’t last forever.
I reminded myself of that fact daily–and before I even knew it, I was a stay-at-home mom."

The original plan was to quit my job in January... That's not happening any more. We need money to fix up our house in order to move to be closer to KJ's job. I don't know when I'll be able to quit now. It might not be until we move, and who knows when that will actually be. In all reality that might be a year from now. Thinking about another year at my job makes me want to cry.

So, thanks so much, Thehumbledhomemaker. I feel so inspired...

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe


http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/11/being-a-working-mom-when-you-really-want-to-stay-at-home.html

Working Mom

Well, my first week back to work is finally over. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I thought I would be crying at my desk all day on Tuesday, but it was an ok day. I dropped Lexi off at MIL's in the morning and got her all settled in. I got choked up when I had to leave her and cried a little in the car, but pulled it together by the time I got to work. It was a pretty uneventful day, which I was glad about. I only got to pump twice, though, because it took forever to get an answer as to where I could go. Man, was I engorged by the time I got home! Ouch!! MIL lives right up the road from where I work, so I got to see Lexi on my lunch break. I love that girl so much!

Now that I don't see Lexi constantly throughout the day I can really tell how quickly she's growing. I love seeing her change and develop new skills, but it also makes me sad. I feel like I'm missing a lot being at work. It's only temporary... I have to keep reminding myself that.

Boy, this working mom stuff makes life very busy! I get up at 5:30 (sometimes at 5 depending on how Lexi is sleeping) get dressed, do my hair and make up, eat breakfast, grab and stuff any diapers I have in the dryer, clean my pump flanges from over night, pack up my pump, make sure Lexi's bag is together, grab my lunch and her bottles, fed the cats and clean the litter. Then at 6:20 if she isn't already up, wake Lexi up, get her dressed, changed, and fed, let the dogs out and get their kongs together, get everything in the car and be on the road to MIL by 7:10. We get to MIL's at 7:30 and I have a few minuets to spend with Lexi before I have to go. Back on the road to work at 7:50. Get to work at 8. Pump at 9. Pump at 11. Eat lunch at my desk at 12. Go back up to MIL's at 1 to fed and spend time with Lexi. MIL usually has either Fox news or the Kardashians on TV (yeah, figure that combo out!). Back at work by 2. Pump at 3. KJ picks Lexi up at 4:30 on his way home from work. If he has to work late I pick her up when I leave work at 5. Get home around 5:30. First thing, throw the diapers in the wash. Then make dinner and fed Lexi, the dogs, and cats. By 7 go out for a run with or with out her, depending on what KJ is doing. Put the diapers in the dryer. At 8 we start bedtime routine with a bath every other night, then nighttime diaper, pj's, eats, and rocking. She's usually out by 8:45 or 9. After that, I make up mine and KJ's lunches for the next day, wash bottles and pumping things, make up Lexi's bottles for the next day, get diapers from the dryer and fold, pack up her bag with fresh burp cloths, clothes, and diapers, clean up the kitchen a little, take a shower, dry my hair and get in bed between 10 and 10:30. Lexi usually wakes up around 2 to eat and is back to sleep by 3. Wake up at 5:30...

I'm exhausted just typing that out. I'm living for the weekend more than ever now!

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

The Last Weekend of the Summer

I feel like I've been on summer vacation and school starts tomorrow. :( This sucks! I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. I've enjoyed my time and home with Lexi so much and I don't want it to end. I love being home with her, just the two of us. We've made our little daily routines and I'm really going to miss it.

We went over to MIL house on Saturday and got her all set up to watch Lexi during the day. I feel pretty confident that she'll be well taken care of. MIL is a bit of a pack rat and I was a little concerned about clutter and there not being room for her and her things. They cleaned the house up, though, and there was plenty of room for the PnP. She's going to be fine there... I just need to keep telling myself that.

Anyways, since my knee has been feeling just about normal, I decided to go ahead and run the Buhl Day 5k. I had already signed up, so I figured why not. MIL watched Lexi and KJ and I ran. His time was 28:33 and mine was 28:35. Definitely not my best, but for just having baby, still being up 17lbs, and only running for two weeks prior, I was just glad to finish!

Next up is the Sharon 5k in two weeks!

Wish me luck tomorrow... I'm not looking forward to this going back to work thing.

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe