A Sunny Day in April

BFP #4! I can't even believe it! I am pregnant again! It seems a little too good to be true!

So here is cycle #6 in review:

3/27 cd2 I had my app to talk about getting back to testing and my doctor agreed to cycle monitoring and some b/w.

3/28 cd3 blood work, which came back clear.

4/8 cd14 follie u/s, two on the left measuring 12.8 and 13.8mm. One on the right measuring 12.9mm.

4/10 cd16 follie u/s, left ones were the same. Right one grew to 15mm.

4/16 cd22 Ovulation day. Lots of pressure on the right.

4/21 cd27 KJ's SA

4/23 7dpo progesterone check 18.2 My doctor wanted it above 25.

4/25 9dpo Super surprised I made it past 8dpo!! Started on Critone 1x a day.

4/27 11dpo Super squinter on a FRER and a wondfo. Interestingly enough the wondfo was less squinty than the FRER.

4/28 12dpo For sure BFP!! Nice clear positive on both FRER and wondfo. Positive on a CBE digital! Went for 1st beta.

I'm so happy to be pregnant again! I'm hoping and praying that this LO sticks and we get to meet them on January 7, 2015. 

Please sick and grow LO!! Daddy, big sis, and I love you and are looking forward to meeting you!!

Lots of Love, 

KJsbabe

Testing a 5k Curtain

Wait... What?? Lol make that testing, a 5k, and new curtains. :)

Last Thursday (the 27th) I had an app with my OB and it went really well. I love my doctor and his staff! Seriously, it's like they know what I'm going to ask before I even get there. I have a new IF nurse this time around and she's really nice. She really knows what she's talking about. And actually, I remember she preformed Lexi's NT scan and was very informative. 

So, I took my charts in and my doctor and nurse agree that I either O late or have a weak O. The plan is to do cycle monitoring with some testing. I did cd3 b/w on Friday, I have a cd14 ultrasound on the 8th to check my follicles, and tentatively cd21 b/w to confirm O. But, since I don't O until cd20 usually, I'm expecting to need at least one more u/s before we do b/w. Then next cycle they want to do an SIS to check for scaring, polyps, and fibroids. Scheduling didn't work out to do it this cycle. They also want KJ to redo his SA. Last time his numbers were good, but he had high counts of white blood cells. He was supposed to have an app with a urologist, but then I got pg with Lexi, and he didn't want to go if he didn't have to. I'm waiting on a call back from the lab to schedule that. 

So that's the plan so far! I feel really good about it. I feel like we're another step closer to heathy baby #2. Back on the testing train we go! 

In other news, I ran my first 5k of the year on Saturday. It was a really small race, but I finished 8th overall, 3rd female. My time was 24:10 and for being the first one I've ran since Thanksgiving, I'm happy with my time. It's a good starting place for the year. The weather is finally getting nicer, so I think I'll be able to get back to running at the park with Lexi soon. Time to start getting my mileage back and shaving that time down! The next race I'm going to do is this Saturday.

The past couple weeks I've been working on new curtains for our front room. I had shears up, which I like, but KJ kept complaining that you could see in the windows at night. So I starting looking for something to replace the old valences I still had up, left by the previous owners. I never really liked them, but I couldn't find anything that I really liked enough to replace them with. 

Before

I found some nice curtains on Overstock and thought about ordering them, but damn, curtains are expensive! I needed enough for six windows, and of corse you have to buy each panel separately at $30 each... That really adds up!! I just couldn't justify spending $200+ on something that's going to hang over the windows. So, in my google searches shower curtains kept coming up along with regular curtains and some of them were really pretty...

And then it hit me, BAM!! Shower curtains as window curtains!! Why hadn't I thought of that before? It seems so obvious now! We have a nice fabric shower curtain in our bathroom, why couldn't I hang one (or four) in the windows. They come in so many fun patterns and nice colors. They're the perfect size, 72x72, and they're soooo much cheaper than regular curtains. 

I found a nice curtain I really liked at Walmart and picked up two of them for the front four windows. I cut them down the middle and finished off the edges to make four panels. 

Then I folded over the top tab to make the rod pocket. They're about 6" short on either side, but I'm ok with it.

 Voila! 

And yes... Yes that is snow you see outside...

I found another coordinating curtain at Target and got two of those for the side two windows. I folded the top tab over for the rod pocket, and the one side needed hemmed a bit. So, for under $75 I covered six windows and I'm really happy with how they all turned out! 

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Spring, Where are You?!?

I'm so ready for winter to be over! I know everyone pretty much feels that way around here, but seriously... I want to get my run on and the treadmill doesn't really do it for me. I want to run for miles, not minutes. I also need to loose these 5lbs that are still hanging around after the holidays. I'm not a tall person, so 5lbs on me is the difference between my pants fitting and having to buy new ones. 

On the TTC front, we're on cycle #5. My doctor's app is on the 27th, so I will most likely be on cd4 of cycle #6 by then. My LP's so far have been 5, 7, 8, and 8. If I could just get one more day I would feel so much better. I got pregnant twice with a 9 day LP, so if I could just get that far I feel like my chances of getting pregnant again would be a lot higher. This past 2ww I tortured myself and lurked on the Nov BMB, like, every single day. *sigh* We have one more shot at a 2014 baby, and then it's on to busy, busy 2015 (two big family weddings planed already). But hey, let's stay positive. I'll take what ever baby The Lord wants to give me in His timing.

My sister's pregnancy is going well. She had her anatomy scan a couple weeks ago and everything looked good. What a relief!! She was measuring almost a week ahead (baby had been measuring two weeks behind at her first u/s), so that was good news. Her EDD got moved to 7/14, the day before her birthday, coincidentally. She's having a girl, so that's exciting! A little girl cousin for Lexi to play with :) Lexi and I are going to help her register later this week, fun fun!! And I'm also talking up the cloth diapers to her ;) You know me, I can't resist!

KJ's job is going really well. After him switch around jobs so much in the past two years, it's nice that this one is treating him well. He put in a lot of overtime during the holidays in order to get a big project done and they gave him a nice bonus last week for it! Time to go shopping! Lol No, he did give me a little extra spending cash, but I honestly don't know what to buy with it. I'll probably save it until I find something I want. That would be the responsible thing to do, right? Not waste it on something silly, wait it out until I see something good. 

Ooo, speaking of shopping I found the cutest, sweetest Easter dress for Lexi the other day at Kohls. Omg I just fell in love with it! It's too stinking cute!! We have a couple weddings to go to this spring/ summer, so she can wear it for those, too. I can't wait for spring!

Squee! I'm totally in love with this dress!

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

Getting the Ball Rolling

I had my annual lady app today and it went well. My lady bits "look good", so that's always nice to hear, haha! I saw my doctor's nurse practitioner and I told her that we were TTC again. I asked how long we should try this time before asking for help. She gave me the standard "1 year" speech. I told her about my short LP's and she tried to tell me that LP's are always 14 days and that doesn't change month to month, and I go "yeah, mine are 7". She explained to me that some women miss ovulation and just think that they have a short LP, and that you can tell when you ovulate by fertile CM, O pains, temp spike, ect. I told her that yes, I get all of those things around CD20 and then 7 days later I get my next period. *sigh*

I did finally get through to her, though, and she said that my cycle would have to be monitored to confirm late O and LP length, which I expected. She set me up with an app to see my doctor at the end of next month to discuss all that. So, yay! It was a very productive app! I was kind of expecting to have to try for a while on our own. We'll still try in the mean time, obviously, but I'm glad the ball is rolling. Take home baby #2, here we come! :)

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

I am on my own journey and my journey is my own.

I've been hanging out on PAL a lot lately. Sometimes posting, sometimes just lurking. There were a number of us TTC again and so I felt a bit more at home there than I have in a while. Well, there was, and is still going on, a huge BFP wave. Now, of corse I'm happy for everyone. I'm always happy for any AL mom who gets pg again. But... I'm not a part of that wave and it makes me sad. It's like TTCAL all over again, every month feeling more and more left behind. No joke, I'm pretty sure there are only two of us on PAL left who are actively TTC. 

I know it hasn't been that long this time around. This is only our third cycle trying, and believe me, I know that's not long at all. But silly me, I just thought that it might be easier this time. I thought maybe I wouldn't have to go through the years of trying and hoping and being disappointed month after month. I thought maybe I'd get to be one of the lucky ones. I know I won't be getting pregnant this month. Or next month. Or the month after that. I know it's going to take me a while to get pg and stay pg again. My LPs are back to their old 7 days again, and I'm really going to need another miracle or some medical intervention to get baby #2. I know I have a long road ahead of me...

The long and winding road

That leads to your door

Will never disappear.

I've seen that road before.

It always leads me here

Lead me to your door.

I'm just feeling pretty down.

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

TTC Update

So, AF finally showed at the beginning of the month. It was really short and light, just like when I got pg with Lexi. I was totally convinced I was pg for, like, a whole day, but BFN's don't lie. And honestly now that I look back at my chart, I'm not convinced I actually O'd. My body tried to O twice, but my temps didn't stay up steadily and I had no O pain. I also only had a 5 day LP, a new low, even for me. But, as I said, after 17 months AF finally showed and with her brought a new beginning. 

This month has been a little wacky, but is looking promising. My temps have been all over the place. Super low (96.7) at the beginning and now super high (98.4) after O. (And TMI, but talk about waaaay too much EWCM! 10 days worth that I had to wear a pad for because I was soaked in a matter of hours! Yuck! I definitely did not need Pree-Seed this month! I haven't had that much since before I started BCP in college! Bleck!) I also had really clear O pains on the right so, I'm 99% sure that I actually did O. KJ and I had good timing, so now I just need my LP to hold out long enough that my little eggie can make it down in time to have a real shot at a BFP. 7dpo today and my temps are still way up! Keeping my FX for a New Year's Day BFP!

And now comes the fun part! The excited anticipation of if-I-got-pregnant-this-month-my-EDD-would-be.... September 15! Mine and KJ's dating anniversary!

*le sigh* wouldn't that be nice!

September may actually be a busy month for us. Some good friends of ours got engaged a few weeks ago and are talking about a September wedding. We're thinking KJ might be a groomsman, so we might have to work a RCS around their wedding! Haha! Lots of couples we know are getting engaged lately. KJ's youngest brother got engaged this past summer, and so did his one cousin. Then, his middle brother just got engaged on Christmas. Lots of weddings coming up in the next two years! 

In other life event news, my sister announced on Thanksgiving that she's pregnant and due "sometime" in July. I'm really happy for her as they've been "trying" for a long time (4 or 5 years of not protecting, which, come on, is not really trying...). This will also be Lexi's first real cousin that she'll get to grow up with and spend holidays with. (KJ's oldest (step) brother has two girls, 15 and 16, who are very self absorbed and we see them about once every other year, so I don't really count them) Anyways, my sister basically has no idea how far along she is. She said going by her LMP her EDD was July 5 making her 9w when she announced at Thanksgiving. Well, she went in for her first scan a few days later and was only measuring 7w3d. Cue PgAL freak out on my part! So, that pushed her EED back to July 19. Baby had a pretty strong HB of 150, so that's promising at least. She had another scan on Christmas Eve and baby was wiggling away apparently, but she didn't get a pic nor did she ask how the baby was measuring. She said her doctor said she was 12.5w (going by LMP obvs) but that her EDD was still July 19 (making her 10w3d at the time)... Sounds like she has a super stellar doc!! I told her that made no sense and that she really needs to get things straightened out with her doc! And I know that not everyone is as uptight about these things as I am, but for wanting a baby and "trying" for so long, she has a very "whatever" attitude about it all. I mean, at the very least, you should know how far along you are! Two weeks is a big difference!! Ugh!!

But anyways, I got a BFN this morning, but at 7dpo I'm just taking it as a "please try again later" FX for a BFP soon!!

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Well that says it all right there. Not pregnant. For a whole day I thought for sure I was pregnant. Yesterday morning I got a shadow line on a wondof right about the ten minuet mark. It was one of those, you had to squint your eyes and hold it in just the right light at a certain angle to see it. But it was there.

I'm not crazy, right?? It's hard to see, but it's there, right??

So all day yesterday I had it in my head that I was pregnant. Of corse I immediately felt crampy and sort of more "full" in the ute area. I wasn't just maybe pregnant, I was definitely pregnant! And all I had to do was wait until this morning to test again to get a for real BFP. I was so confident, I dipped not just a wondof for testing, but an expired Clear Blue Easy, too.

Big old BFN's on both. Not even a hint of a shadow line on the wondof. 

So, I either had a very short lived CP or I got my very first evap line of some sort. I'm bummed. I have no idea what's going on in there. The only time I've ever made it past 10dpo is when I've been pregnant and I'm 13dpo today. I even took an OPK today because I read somewhere you could use one as an HPT. It popped up positive right away. So... Am I ovulating again? Or do I have like 5 HCG that's making it pop? Ugh, I wish I just knew one way or the other. I'm making myself crazy!!

I need to stop testing and take a step back. Even if I was pregnant yesterday, I'm not today.

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

Put down the peesticks and back away slowly...

Seriously, someone needs to take these things away from me. I want to pee on them all! Lol 

*sigh* So I'm 11dpo and I'm not pregnant. I've been testing all week and I should have gotten a BFP by now if I was going to get one. I'm honestly questioning if I O'd at all. I definitely geared up to, but my temps have been weird. They went up at first, like they're supposed to, but then they went down for a few days, and not in the implantation day  dip range. FF even took my CHs away for a while. Now they're back up an I don't really know why. I think my hormones are all messed up due to BFing still. Lexi caught a cold this week and so she's been wanting to nurse more that normal. 

So here are the options of what could potentially be going on:

1) My body tried to, but I didn't really O. My temps and hormones are all funky from BF. My body might try to O again, AF might show up finally, or I'm just in PP-BFing limbo. Waiting for Godot, if you will... 

2) I did O. The BFing is throwing my hormones and temps off. I am pregnant and will get a BFP in a day or two, but it'll end in a CP because I don't have enough progesterone (low temps mean low progesterone and high estrogen). BFing makes progesterone fluctuate a lot with milk production and let downs, and due to my MTHFR, I'm lacking in it to begin with.

3) I did O. The BFing is throwing my temps and hormones off. I am not pregnant, just having an awesomely long LP (my longest ever was 10 days. Before my D&C I was usually at 9 days, after I was at 7 days). I will get AF on Nov 6 giving me a perfect 15 day LP.

Right now I think #3 might be the best case scenario. Or #1 with trying to O again. But with my luck, I'm probably in PP-BFing limbo. Only time will tell, right?

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

Ask and You Shall Receive

You know, sometimes it takes a while for a prayer to be answered. And other times, God's like, "Ummm yeah, I was just waiting for you to ask...". Because apparently, all I had to do was ask!

I ovulated!! Woo hoo!! So we are officially TTC for #2!!

Lexi all of a sudden dropped down to three BFing sessions a day. I had a sudden return of CM that quickly turned into EWCM. And bamm! Positive OPK on Sunday! I had a temp spike today, so looks like I O'd yesterday. KJ and I had decent timing, so I guess we'll see what happens. I'm excited!! 

And now the 2ww starts... I'll be testing early and often :)

So, obviously I'm not naive enough to think that we'll get lucky on our first try. And as I know all too well, pregnancy does not equal take home baby. But... It's fun to be excited and think about getting a BFP next week! Going by an O date of Oct 21, I would be due 7/14/14. Just two weeks after Lexi's second birthday! Perfectly spaced babies :)

Look at all of those dates! They could be mine! 

Now, we wouldn't tell any family or friends until 12w, after a good NT scan. So, we couldn't tell at Christmas. We'd have to make the rounds to family in January, like we did with Lexi. But that would be ok. I'd have to find Lexi and adorable "Big Sister" shirt or something to wear.

*Sigh* Look at me making plans... Oh, and the roller coaster begins! 

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

TTC Wannabe

I feel like I'm the only one who isn't pregnant or at least TTC. I want to be TTC so badly :( I'm ready to get pg again. I'm ready to get back on the journey to completing our family. The good, the bad, I want it. I'm ready for it. I know our journey might include more losses. I pray it doesn't, but I know it's a real possibility. I'm not naive enough to think that because I had one successful pregnancy that means I can't loose any more babies. But, my doctor and I know a lot more now than during my first two pg, so there defiantly is hope.

What's standing in my way? Breastfeeding. "Natures's birth control" can suck it.  I haven't had a real period for over two years. September 30, 2011 is my LMP. Yes, I had pp bleeding after I had Lexi, but other than that, nothing. I hate that my body doesn't want to cooperate. I hate that I'm one of the "lucky few" that the pp period won't come until we've weaned. Because the thing is, I don't want to wean completely. I love the BFing relationship that Lexi and I have. Sure we had some issues at the beginning. It took her forever for to learn how to latch and we both leaned on the nipple shield too much. It took 20-30 minuets just to get her to latch sometimes! We both worked so hard to get it right and then at 4 weeks old we were home free. We had a great rhythm. Then 3 months hit and I woke up with a clogged duct one morning. By that evening I had mastitis. It was awful. KJ was no help what so ever. I was literally and figuratively a single mom. I was taking care of a 3 month old while feeling like I was dealing with the flu, all by myself. But we some how made it though. I continued to pump at work. It was a relief and huge stress all at the same time. Relieve that I got a break from my awful job, but stress that I never was able to pump enough during the day. I absolutely did not want to resort to supplementing with formula, so I would pump around the clock. Pump when I got home from work, while feeding Lexi. Pump before I went to bed. Pump first thing in the morning, while feeding Lexi. I lived on lactation cookies. It was such a relieve, in soooo many ways when I finally was able to quit my job. I can't even describe how good it felt. It was like I could breath again. No more pumping. No more stressing. No more awful customers. I am so not cut out to be a working mom and I am so, so grateful that KJ's job allowed me to be able to stay home. Thank you Lord! 

Lord, you really do know best and your timing is perfect. If I had been able to keep my first baby there's no way we would have been able to afford me staying home with him. Same with my second baby. Literally at that time, KJ and I were both making together what he now makes by himself. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I don't know why I lost two babies. I don't know why it took so long and so much. I don't know why I was blessed with such a wonderful, sweet little girl. And I don't know why it's not the right time to TTC right now. But. I do know that the Lord's timing is perfect. I do know that He will bless me with a second baby when He sees fit. I cannot see the future. I don't know what is in store for me and my family. But. I do know that The Lord will answer my prayers. Wether yes, no, or not right now. My Lord answers prayers. 

"I prayed for this child, and The Lord has granted me what I asked of him."

I'm trying my best to be patient...

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe