10 Months!

My girl is getting so big! 10 months today and she's cruising!! It's just a couple steps here are there, but I'm sure she'll be all around the house in no time. She likes to stand at her crib, or the couch or coffee table. Then she's take a few steps while hanging on. It took her a while, but she went the entire length of her crib yesterday! 

Lexi is also getting good at reaching down and grabbing a toy while standing up... With out bonking her head each time! Lol she also can get from her belly to sitting up. She'll start on her belly and then get into crawl position. Then plop her but down to the side and wall her hands back to push herself onto sitting. She figured out this whole process on her own! 

Today is also the start of my first week as a SAHM! Awesome way to kick things off! It's so relaxing knowing that I don't have to rush around at night to get things ready for the next day. I don't have to pump any more (!!) in order to feed her during the day. And I have a huge freezer stash if she needs to have a bottle. No more running around trying to make to weekends count for all they're worth. It's very peaceful. Three days in, and I'm loving every minuet!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

The Great Cloth Diaper Change

Lexi and I got to participate in the Great Cloth Diaper Change in Pittsburgh this morning. What an awesome event! All across the world at 11 am local time mothers gathered to change their babies into cloth diapers. It's a great advocacy event for cloth diapering. It was so cool to be around so many CDing mommas and babies!

At our changing location they had a little expo set up with natural parenting things, BFing stuff, and of course CDs. Everyone kind of mingled. Then at 11:00am we all sat on the floor and changed our baby's diapers. It sounds silly, but it was fun! Lots of cute prints out there! They had some give aways at the end and I won a real nice wet/ dry bag (pocket for each). There was one girl who literally won half of the prizes (and there was a ton of stuff they gave away!). I don't know how she got so many tickets. I only got three in my swag bag...

Anyways...the swag bag! I got four nice cloth wipes, a little wrist toy, BG detergent sample, rash cream sample, magic washcloth (you know, those ones that are a little disk to start out and when you get it wet it expands into a washcloth), an "I love cloth diapers" bracelet, and some coupons for stores around the city. 

The CD store who was sponsoring the event had a set up and, of course, I had to buy somethings... You know, to save on shipping :) So, I got two Bummis swim diapers, a rash guard, and a BG 4.0 in their new fun print. Yay for new fluff! 

After the change, KJ took Lexi and I out to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Yum! It was my first time going and boy was it good. Delish all around! We walked around the mall a little as well, and then headed home. It was a real nice day :)

 
   
  Lots of Love,

KJsbabe

The Man I Can't Forgive

Sometimes I run though it all in my head again. My whole journey. I start out with the basics and then in this conversation I have in my head I go into greater and greater detail. My emotions start to swell up and I live through everything all over again in fast forward. I always seem to get stuck on my 4 month limbo-falling-beta time and how awful of a doctor I had then. I get angry and feel hateful towards him all over again. I remember conversations we had and all the things I should have said to him but didn't. And then I get to the part after my D&C and I'm trying to ask about IF testing, and he flat out says to me, "I'm not going to recommend testing or give you a RE referral until you've had a third MC." And then it hits me all over again... Had I stayed with him, my third baby... My sweet Lexi Grace, wouldn't be here. I would have lost her just like my first two babies. He would have let her die.

And then I cry.

That doctor no longer practices in the area, so there's no chance of randomly running into him and telling him what I think of him (not that I would have the words in the moment anyways). I imagine it, though. I would point to Lexi and say to him, "Look at her. Look at this perfect, sweet, kind little girl. She is the baby you refused to help. She is the baby you would have let die. Take a good look at her." And then in that moment, looking at my beautiful daughter, he would realize how awful of a doctor he's been, mend his ways, and treat his loss patients with a new found compassion. It sounds nice, and very vindicating, but I know it will never happen.

I'm usually a pretty forgiving person. I can look past a lot and forget many mistakes, unkind words, and hurtful things. Even my HS boyfriend who ripped my heart out and then rubbed my face in it, I managed to forgive him in time. But this... There are just somethings that are unforgivable. I don't blame him for my loss, but I do blame him for the terrible decisions he made regarding it. He was my doctor and I trusted him to guide me in the right direction. How wrong, how wrong.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Two Weeks Notice

That was the first movie KJ and I watched together when we started dating... Aw!

I put my official two weeks notice in today! I gave my supervisor a heads up a week or so ago, but today I made sure HR knew and got the ball rolling on "closing up shop". It's very exciting!! I'm so ready to move on from that place and onto the next phase in my life. It's going to be so great to have a fresh start. Spring is the time for new beginnings and it seems very fitting for me to make this move now. Yesterday, also actually, marked 5 years of working there. That's way longer than I ever planned to be there. I'm glad to be getting out!!

12 more days to go!!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe