Struggling

I recently read a blog post I saw on Pintrest entitled "Being a Working Mom When You Really Want to Stay Home". At first I thought, "Great! This describes me to a tee. I'll get some inspiration from this post that will help me keep going as a wannabe SAHM. Wrong. This post only made me feel worse. A lot worse.

"Even though we knew it would be short-term when I went back to work, it still wasn’t easy. I will never get those first few months of my little girl’s life back."

Gee, thanks for rubbing it in! I've been trying not to think of my work situation that way, but thanks for making it black and white for me. Every second that I'm hating my life at work, I will never get those moments with my daughter back.

"When I was a working mom, God enriched my life with co-worker friendships."

Well, how nice for you that you had awesome and supportive co-workers! My co-irkers suck. Plan and simple. I have never met a more miserable group of women. They're all divorced, so I get to hear them, on a daily basis, bitch and moan about their ex's, their kids, going to court, and how they never have any money because the lawyers take it all. The atmosphere at my office is toxic. They are mean and bitter and about as far from "enriching" as you can get.

"When I was a working mom, God provided an amazing babysitter–who became a dear friend."

Now this is the only thing I can agree with. We have been very lucky that my MIL is able to watch Lexi while we're at work. It's nice to know that someone we trust is giving her one on one attention and genuine love everyday. However, sometimes it's a struggle to get MIL to do certain things. Sometimes Lexi doesn't get all of her bottles during the day because she's sleeping and MIL doesn't want to wake her up. Or she'll heat up a bottle and then not give her the whole thing. That's probably the most agitating thing, because once you start a bottle you have to finish it. You can't save it for later. You can't heat and chill, heat and chill. You'll get bacteria and it'll make baby sick. It kills me when this happens and I have to dump half a bottle because it's been sitting out. I'm working around the clock to get enough BM to give her during the day. It's not like I can just mix up more formula... MIL doesn't seem to get it!!

"When I was a working mom, God allowed my husband to have some daddy-daughter bonding time."

Again, how nice for you!! My husband gets less time with Lexi because, I'll admit it, I'm a baby hog. I miss her so much during the day, all I want to do when I get home is hold her and spend time with her. If KJ doesn't say, "Hey. I'll hold her" or something, I forget to offer her to him and end up holding her the whole evening.

"When I was a working mom and exclusively breastfeeding, God sharpened my will and determination."

Yeah... Determination is not what I feel when I have to stay up until 12am every night pumping because I wasn't able to pump enough at work for the next day. Determination is not what I feel when I only get 2 messily ounces and pray I can get at least 2 more in the morning. A sharp will is not what I feel like I have when I'm taking enough fenungreek to smell like maple syrup, chugging more water then I did while pg, and stuffing my face with lactation cookies in hopes of actually keeping up for once. Annoyance, frustration, exhaustion, failure. That's what I feel.

"If you have a plan in place to come home, remind yourself that this season of being a working mom won’t last forever.
I reminded myself of that fact daily–and before I even knew it, I was a stay-at-home mom."

The original plan was to quit my job in January... That's not happening any more. We need money to fix up our house in order to move to be closer to KJ's job. I don't know when I'll be able to quit now. It might not be until we move, and who knows when that will actually be. In all reality that might be a year from now. Thinking about another year at my job makes me want to cry.

So, thanks so much, Thehumbledhomemaker. I feel so inspired...

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe


http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/11/being-a-working-mom-when-you-really-want-to-stay-at-home.html

Christmas Traditions

Today KJ and I played hooky and took Lexi to go see Santa. It went pretty well. We were the first ones in line and got to see him right a way. I put Lexi on his lap and she half her arm out and gave this look like, "what the heck is going on??" She didn't cry, thankfully, but she didn't want to smile, either. We got a pretty cute pic of her, though.

It was my first experience with Santa, also! Growing up my parents didn't do the Santa thing with my sister and I, so we never believed in him. They felt it was important to teach us the true meaning of Christmas from the beginning. I always felt like I missed out on a big part of the Christmas tradition because of it. And like any good parent, I'm righting the wrongs of my own childhood while raising my daughter. Ha! So yeah, mom, we're doing Santa. Get over it!!

After Santa we went to a local Christmas store. Every year they put together a big indoor display with themed trees and decorations galore. We walked through "Christmas Land" and Lexi just took it all in. She didn't really smile at all, but boy was she looking at everything. She couldn't keep her eyes off the display! They have a huge selection of ornaments so we picked one out for her. It's a little marshmallow snowman and says Baby's First Christmas. I think it was really special for KJ to share Christmas Land with her. He went ever year as a boy and now he gets to take his little girl every year.

We went out to lunch after words to Eat n Park and had a nice little time. There were a lot of other moms and babies there and there was a woman nursing her baby. Seeing her really gave me the courage to NIP for the first time. Normally I just go home when Lexi is hungry, but I figured if she's doing it, why can't I? I was very proud of myself! And I don't think I even flashed anyone. Ha!

We're going to make this a Christmas tradition. Santa, Christmas Land, and then lunch. It was a really nice day, just the three of us.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Baby Bullet Love

We've been doing sweet potatoes all week (one potato made quite a bit!) and tonight we tried peas. I love that the food I'm making and giving to Lexi has such a rich color! The only thing in her purées are veggies and water (you could use breast milk too). No preservative or any other unknown extras. It makes me feel really good to give her such healthy things. I really need to start eating the same way!

The Baby Bullet is awesome. It's extremely easy to use. I can make up a batch of food in less then 20 mins start to finish, including clean up. Anything to save time is a must for me right now. The little containers are perfectly sized for a meal and just so gosh darn cute! I'm really glad I decided to register for it instead of just using my food processor. There are quite a few parts to my food processor and really not that many to the BB, so there are less things to wash. It's also small and compact so I can leave it out on my counter and it doesn't get in the way. It came with a handy little recipe book and food guide for age appropriate foods. It's nice because I don't have to scour the Internet for these things, everything I need to know is in the book. More saving time!

I highly recommend the BB! I'm so glad I splurged on it!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

My Baby is 5 Months Today!

Happy 5 months to my Lexi girl! Oh my goodness, she is getting big! She looks more like a little person and not just a baby every day.

Yesterday was a great day. It took five months, but Lexi finally tolerates tummy time!! Up until now every time we'd put her on her belly she would be screaming with in 30 seconds. Yesterday morning when I dropped her off at MIL's, I put her on her belly for a minuet... and she was fine! For like five minuets she was fine! And then she rolled over, belly to back! So proud of that girl!!

We started solids earlier in the week with sweet potatoes and are planning on doing peas next. It's kind of bitter sweet her moving on from being exclusively on breast milk to adding in real foods. Gosh, this is going fast!!!

I took Lexi to the doctor this evening. Her rash just keeps getting worse and worse and I decided it was finally time to get it looked at. We saw one of the NPs and got a script for Naystatin. I really hope this takes care of the problem once and for all.

Here's my 5 month girl!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

First Solid Food...

Sweet potatoes!

Lately, Lexi has been pretty interested in watching KJ and I eat, so I figured she was about ready to start solid food. Last night I got out my Baby Bullet, steamed up a sweet potato, puréed it, and dinner was served. (Just a side note, I'm loving the Baby Bullet! More on that later!) I had to get out our high chair, too, as we hadn't set that up yet. We got one of those space saver ones that sit on a regular chair. Great choice! Definitely recommend.

So, after much preparation, the three of us finally sat down for some sweet potatoes. Lexi really wasn't sure about them. I guess I was hoping for some big reaction either way, love them or hate them, but we didn't get that. The jury is still out on wether or not she liked them. She certainly made quite the mess, though! I think she was more interested in the bowl and spoon than the potatoes. She was doing pretty well with the spoon, for it being the first time. She got the correct end in her mouth quite a few times, with food even still on it!

First bite

I have this mouth full of stuff and I don't know what to do with it!

What is this??

Messy girl!

My baby is growing up!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Happy Thanksgiving

On Thanksgiving last year I was 8w pg with Lexi and in the midst of morning sickness. I remember that week being particularly bad and praying for just a few hours of not wanting to puke to get through dinner with the family. White cheddar popcorn and mashed potatoes were all that sounded even remotely good. I was also very nervous for our next u/s the following Monday. All I could think about was the previous Thanksgiving when I was also 8w pg with what would turn out to be our second loss. Even after one MC I was still so trusting that things would turn out ok and the next year (last year) we would have a LO to bring to Thanksgiving dinner. How wrong that turned out to be. I was so scared that that year would turn out like the last and that this year would be just the same. Another year past and no baby in sight. I am so thankful things turned out differently!

This year KJ and I got to take our 4 and a half month old daughter to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandma's. I've been going to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandma's house for longer than I can remember. I love sharing all of our family traditions with Lexi. I'm really looking forward to Christmas! My two Aunts were at dinner this year and they were fawning all over her. It gave me the warm and fuzzies!

I'm so incredibly thankful for my sweet little girl and loving husband!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Yummy Toes!

This week Lexi has started grabbing and nibbling on her toes. So cute! When ever I change her diaper she'll get her little feet up by her face and just start sucking away on them. She's been very grabby in general. She'll reach out for a toy if I hold one on front of her. She'll even reach out for me when I go to pick her up. Love that girl!

We are currently dealing with a yeast rash. Ugh! This stuff is no joke. Any thing that you've read about the awfulness of yeast rashes, is true. I've been trying anything and everything trying to get rid of this stuff. Currently we're doing Lotrimin 5 times a day, CJ's Butter Plus in between applications, sanitizing each diaper wash load with both bleach and GFSE, and spossies at night. It's starting to look better, but last time I said that it flared back up. We've been dealing with a slight rash for two months now, but it wasn't until last week that it turned into full blown yeast.

The rash always looks worse in the mornings after being in a night time diaper all night. I think, while very absorbent, they just don't keep her dry enough. That's why I've been putting her in spossies at night. I'm not going to lie, I have some momma guilt over this. I feel like it's a slippery slope into getting away from the cloth. I've put so much effort and money into them, and talked them up to so many people that I would be failing if we were to go the disposable route too much. It's not that I don't like the cloth. I love the cloth diapers! I just want this rash gone. Even though I'm sanitizing, I feel like the cloth is making it hang around longer. Maybe it's all in my head, I don't know!

Last weekend we went on our first long trip away as a family. One of my friends from school was getting married in Philadelphia so we drove out there for the wedding. We live on the OH border in PA, so it was quite a drive with a 4 month old! Normally, the trip should take about 6 hours. It took us 10 because we had to stop so many times to feed her and change her diaper. We left the house at 10am and got into Philly at 7pm just in time for rush hour. We spent another hour in traffic. Of course after 9 hours in the car Lexi was very ready to get out and screamed for the last hour, just in case we didn't know how she felt. Fun! Well, we made it there ok, just a little frazzled, and miraculously Lexi STTN that night. I was expecting her to be supper fussy since she didn't get much activity during the day.

We stayed with KJ's brother and family. Saturday morning they took us to a flee market in Jersey... That was an experience. Now, I enjoy a good yard sale. I like searching for bargains and getting like new things for next to nothing. This place, though... I swear half the stuff there was either stollen or fakes, and the other half was being sold for drug money. Yikes! I'd much rather just go to the store and pay full price than buy things from shady people.

Saturday night KJ and I went to the wedding and my BIL and SIL watched Lexi. I don't know what it is about Philly weddings, but they sure like to take their good old time doing things! KJ and I had an evening reception when we got married and everyone was fed and on the dance floor by 9:00 with everything over by 11:00. That's the way receptions go around here. Well, Philly couples like to take a more leisurely approach. The ceremony was at 5, we got to the reception at 6. There was a cocktail "hour" that lasted until 8. At that point we finally got to sit down at our tables in the dinning room. They did speeches, toasts, and the first dance. We got our salads at 9, soup at 9:30, and finally our entrees at 10. KJ and I originally only planned to stay until 9:30-10 because the wedding was an hour away from BIL's house and I was worried about how Lexi would go down to sleep (she ended up doing great and STTN again). We didn't get out of there until almost 11! And then we didn't even get to say congrats to the bride and groom or do any dancing or have any cake! *sigh* It was a beautiful wedding, though. The bride's dress was gorgeous, the ceremony was very heartfelt, and the food was delicious. If we had been staying closer it would have been nice to stay longer.

Sunday morning we got on the road by 7am and we were home by 3pm. Boy, was it nice to be home! It was a beautiful afternoon and I even got to go for a run.

Lots of Love,

KJsbabe