Happy 7 Months to My Cupcake!

Over half way to one year! Lexi is looking less and less like an infant and more like a little girl every day. Some times I look at her and think, how did you get so big?? Her big milestones this month were saying her first word, "Dada" and holding onto the baby gate and standing by herself. KJ and I are trying to get her to crawl, but no cigar yet. She keeps lunging forward, face plants, and then cries. She doesn't really get the whole catching yourself thing yet. She'll get there, though.

KJ was very excited for Lexi to say Dada first. The week before she started saying it she was saying Baw-baw a lot and I thought for sure it would turn into Mama. She gave up on that though and said Dada instead. She doesn't say it purposefully yet, like she doesn't look at KJ and call him that, but we're still counting it as her first word.

Some little things, her hair keeps growing. There's almost enough now that I can put a little barrette in it. She's starting to get too big for her 6m clothes. She's filling out her 6-9m ones much better. After the holiday break we started adding in a second meal of solids at lunch time. We've also introduced a sippy cup. She doesn't really get it yet, but we're working on it.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

My Sweet May Baby

Dear Little One,

Today is the second anniversary of your due date. Today we should be celebrating your second birthday. The house should be decorated and a cake baking in the oven. I should be making up favor bags and games for you to play with your little friends. You should be running around the house with too much excitement for you little body to handle in anticipation for your birthday party. I should be thinking back to the day you were born with fond memories.

Instead, we are apart today, and it still breaks my heart. Instead, I am thinking back to the amazing moment when I found out about you and the wonderful week daddy and I had with you. It should have been a lifetime longer, though. I miss you.

Your youngest sister gave me a "Mom" necklace for Christmas this year. It's nice to finally be called what you have called me all along... Mommy.

You will always be my first baby. You were the one that started it all. Know that I will always love you and I think of you often. You will never be forgotten. Today and always, you will be in my heart. I pray that Jesus gives you an extra big hug and kiss from me. I know you are well taken care of in His arms.

I love you. I miss you.
Mommy

It's 6 Flucking Degrees Out

Why on Earth have I not moved south yet? Why do I keep on subjecting myself to "winter" year after year?? What is wrong with me???

I feel like I'm functioning with half a brain. I have been so forgetful lately. Wet bags, bibs, feeding the cat, mailing out packages, putting dinner in the crockpot... The list goes on. Forgetting the packages thing was today. I sold a few things on eBay and had them all set to mail out today... And they're sitting on the kitchen counter. So instead of going to see Lexi on my lunch break like I normally do, I have to run home to get them. Sucks. I need a vacation.

KJ and I have started working out again. When the weather gets bad I get bad about getting my but moving, so I really hadn't done anything since Thanksgiving. KJ joined the Planet Fitness that just opened up and I've been running on our treadmill in the basement. We both need to get back into shape and loose some holiday weight. I love running... But right now all I want to do is sleep... More on that later.

At work they keep moving around my pumping room and it's getting annoying. I'm on my third room since Christmas. They're remodeling the downstairs area where I sit, so I get that we're running out of places, but I wish it wasn't such a hassle. April can't come soon enough! Physical remodeling isn't the only "remodeling" going on either. They have been letting a lot of people go lately and I'm sort of wondering when it's going to be my turn.

I made a smoothie this morning with yogurt, blackberries, and banana and added in some brewers yeast. It tastes like awful, fruity beer. I need to buy stock in fenungreek. I've been taking 3 capsules every 3 hours for the past 4 days... No noticeable change in my supply yet. I feel like it's a constant struggle to keep it up. I've only been averaging 6-7 oz during the day at work. I've started to rotate my freezer stash, so there's not as much pressure to pump exactly enough every day, but I'm not putting back as much as I'm taking out. I know it's going to catch up to me sooner or later...

Come on April...

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

We Have Set a Date...

For me to quit my job!! Over New Years KJ and I had a serious talk about me becoming a SAHM and what we need to do to get to that point. We decided that if I continue to work until the end of April, putting my pay check into savings all the while, we should be in a good position. We'll have enough to do some fix-up things around the house to get it in sellable condition and hopefully be able to move later in the year.

It feels so good to have a end in sight! I have something to work towards now. I have a goal. I'm already looking up fun activities and outings Lexi and I can do together this summer. We'll go to the park a lot and I just discovered this indoor play place for kids just up the street from us. It's for kids 1+ and they have different play groups according to age that you can join. I'll be signing her up on June 30th! I'm so excited!

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Holy cow! 6 Months!

I can't believe it's been a half year already since we welcomed our sweet Lexi into the world! My 6 month girl!

Squee! I love that face! She's developing quite the personality, sassy and playful. Her big milestone this past month was learning to sit by herself. She really started getting good at it the Tuesday before Christmas on the 18th. She's a little wobbly still, but improving every day. She also loves to give "kisses" (which are really just open mouth slobbers on my cheek haha). She'll grab the back of my neck, pulls me to her, and give me a big wet one!

Christmas was really fun having Lexi here. The three of us opened presents Christmas morning and boy was it a good year! Lexi got the FP Learning Farm, some stacking toys, blocks, books, clothes, diapers (from momma haha!), a pink terrible towel (from daddy) and a baby doll. I also gave her the first figurine in the "Growing Up Girls" set. When I was growing up my BFF had this set and I always really liked it. I'm looking forward to giving her a new figurine every year on her birthday.

KJ got me a bedazzler (haha I think it's really called an "enhancer") for my engagement ring.

And Lexi got me a "Mom" necklace. I love being Mom!

I got KJ a phone adapter for his car so he can talk hands free while driving to and from work. Lexi got him a "Daddy and Me" story book and made him a little picture flip book out of floppy disks.

While fun, the holidays were also a little overwhelming for Lexi. Lots of new toys, places, and faces. There were times when it got to be too much for her and she had a couple melt downs. They were wearing on me also. I hosted our Christmas party, cooked Christmas Day dinner, made three batches of truffles, four batches of cookies, did 90% of the gift shopping, all of the wrapping, and deep cleaned the house... All while taking care of a 6 month old... I'm ready for the holidays to be over... Momma needs a break!! (And a glass of wine!)

Here's wishing the coming year will be as wonderful as this one was!

Happy New Year!
Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

Struggling

I recently read a blog post I saw on Pintrest entitled "Being a Working Mom When You Really Want to Stay Home". At first I thought, "Great! This describes me to a tee. I'll get some inspiration from this post that will help me keep going as a wannabe SAHM. Wrong. This post only made me feel worse. A lot worse.

"Even though we knew it would be short-term when I went back to work, it still wasn’t easy. I will never get those first few months of my little girl’s life back."

Gee, thanks for rubbing it in! I've been trying not to think of my work situation that way, but thanks for making it black and white for me. Every second that I'm hating my life at work, I will never get those moments with my daughter back.

"When I was a working mom, God enriched my life with co-worker friendships."

Well, how nice for you that you had awesome and supportive co-workers! My co-irkers suck. Plan and simple. I have never met a more miserable group of women. They're all divorced, so I get to hear them, on a daily basis, bitch and moan about their ex's, their kids, going to court, and how they never have any money because the lawyers take it all. The atmosphere at my office is toxic. They are mean and bitter and about as far from "enriching" as you can get.

"When I was a working mom, God provided an amazing babysitter–who became a dear friend."

Now this is the only thing I can agree with. We have been very lucky that my MIL is able to watch Lexi while we're at work. It's nice to know that someone we trust is giving her one on one attention and genuine love everyday. However, sometimes it's a struggle to get MIL to do certain things. Sometimes Lexi doesn't get all of her bottles during the day because she's sleeping and MIL doesn't want to wake her up. Or she'll heat up a bottle and then not give her the whole thing. That's probably the most agitating thing, because once you start a bottle you have to finish it. You can't save it for later. You can't heat and chill, heat and chill. You'll get bacteria and it'll make baby sick. It kills me when this happens and I have to dump half a bottle because it's been sitting out. I'm working around the clock to get enough BM to give her during the day. It's not like I can just mix up more formula... MIL doesn't seem to get it!!

"When I was a working mom, God allowed my husband to have some daddy-daughter bonding time."

Again, how nice for you!! My husband gets less time with Lexi because, I'll admit it, I'm a baby hog. I miss her so much during the day, all I want to do when I get home is hold her and spend time with her. If KJ doesn't say, "Hey. I'll hold her" or something, I forget to offer her to him and end up holding her the whole evening.

"When I was a working mom and exclusively breastfeeding, God sharpened my will and determination."

Yeah... Determination is not what I feel when I have to stay up until 12am every night pumping because I wasn't able to pump enough at work for the next day. Determination is not what I feel when I only get 2 messily ounces and pray I can get at least 2 more in the morning. A sharp will is not what I feel like I have when I'm taking enough fenungreek to smell like maple syrup, chugging more water then I did while pg, and stuffing my face with lactation cookies in hopes of actually keeping up for once. Annoyance, frustration, exhaustion, failure. That's what I feel.

"If you have a plan in place to come home, remind yourself that this season of being a working mom won’t last forever.
I reminded myself of that fact daily–and before I even knew it, I was a stay-at-home mom."

The original plan was to quit my job in January... That's not happening any more. We need money to fix up our house in order to move to be closer to KJ's job. I don't know when I'll be able to quit now. It might not be until we move, and who knows when that will actually be. In all reality that might be a year from now. Thinking about another year at my job makes me want to cry.

So, thanks so much, Thehumbledhomemaker. I feel so inspired...

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe


http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/11/being-a-working-mom-when-you-really-want-to-stay-at-home.html

Christmas Traditions

Today KJ and I played hooky and took Lexi to go see Santa. It went pretty well. We were the first ones in line and got to see him right a way. I put Lexi on his lap and she half her arm out and gave this look like, "what the heck is going on??" She didn't cry, thankfully, but she didn't want to smile, either. We got a pretty cute pic of her, though.

It was my first experience with Santa, also! Growing up my parents didn't do the Santa thing with my sister and I, so we never believed in him. They felt it was important to teach us the true meaning of Christmas from the beginning. I always felt like I missed out on a big part of the Christmas tradition because of it. And like any good parent, I'm righting the wrongs of my own childhood while raising my daughter. Ha! So yeah, mom, we're doing Santa. Get over it!!

After Santa we went to a local Christmas store. Every year they put together a big indoor display with themed trees and decorations galore. We walked through "Christmas Land" and Lexi just took it all in. She didn't really smile at all, but boy was she looking at everything. She couldn't keep her eyes off the display! They have a huge selection of ornaments so we picked one out for her. It's a little marshmallow snowman and says Baby's First Christmas. I think it was really special for KJ to share Christmas Land with her. He went ever year as a boy and now he gets to take his little girl every year.

We went out to lunch after words to Eat n Park and had a nice little time. There were a lot of other moms and babies there and there was a woman nursing her baby. Seeing her really gave me the courage to NIP for the first time. Normally I just go home when Lexi is hungry, but I figured if she's doing it, why can't I? I was very proud of myself! And I don't think I even flashed anyone. Ha!

We're going to make this a Christmas tradition. Santa, Christmas Land, and then lunch. It was a really nice day, just the three of us.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe