Thursday, March 17, 2011

Three Months

It's been three months since we found out we lost the baby. I can't believe it's been that long. Some days it still feels so fresh and other days it seems like it happened years ago. Three months, three days, three years... It all feels the same.

It's been three months and I am still no closer to trying again then I was that day. My levels are still not at 0 and I still have not gotten AF. I am on cd 69, how ridiculous! How much longer am I going to have to wait? I'm hoping only another month. From the look of things, I can count out 2011 for a birth year. To have my EDD on December 31, 2011, I would have to O on April 9, which means I would have to get AF on March 21. I don't see that happening.

This isn't how things were supposed to go. I was supposed to have already had a baby in 2010. Then I was going to have my second in 2012. That was the plan.

Oh... it still feels fresh.

DH and I have finally set our "babymoon" plans in stone. I was worried about the money for a while, but he talked me into it in the end. We both need a brake from life. We've pretty much been broke since we got married, which was 3 1/2 years ago. For the first time since then we finally have some money in bank, but I'm scared to spend it. I'm afraid something else is going to come up, we'll get behind on the bills again, and we'll have collectors breathing down our necks, again.

We are planning to go to Virginia Beach for our birthdays in May. DH is very optimistic about our trip, and I know he's being up beat for me. I've been so down the past three months. He says that this will be our new start to TTC. He's confident that we'll be able to try by then. I used to be confident that we'd be able to try by now... I hope he's right. I could really use a new start.

We're planning on driving down and spending three days and nights at a beach front hotel. Our room will have an ocean view. On the fourth day we are going to Busch Gardens and we'll spend the night in random city, VA. Day five will be driving home. I am looking froward to it.

Lots of Love,
KJsbabe

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